""but oh lord, when he died I thought that maybe I could have saved him if I just reached out that quarter of an inch between us on that bed and held him." that quarter of an inch in this vision is the great expanse of fear and ignorance that must be crossed bravely and with integrity, to human hope"
-Andrea Dworkin on Baldwin
whats to be said about love that I haven't already said before
it hurts, its thirst, its curse
somehow its easy to write about the complexities of sorrow,
and sorrow is the fruit of love when watered with the ephemeral nature of existence
turning ones head away from endings what remains is simple
a hand wrapped around a soft waist
belly full of red bitter alcohol and feeling full of the sun
like when van gogh would eat his yellow paint
hungry skin against hungry skin
we feast together in moonlight
arms carry legs and back and it all spins
hair brushing past cheek
we settle and we smell each other
and we know each other wordlessly
and in that moment everything is perfect.
I'm a big fan of drawing together. its the pulling apart that gives me pause
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Touch" delves into the complexities of love and loss, using vivid imagery and emotional depth to explore the connection between two individuals. The use of sensory details like touch, taste, and smell effectively creates a rich atmosphere for the reader. The reference to Andrea Dworkin's quote adds a layer of depth and insight into the themes of fear, ignorance, and hope in relationships.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure or form of the poem to enhance its impact. Experimenting with line breaks, stanza breaks, or punctuation could help to create a more dynamic rhythm and flow, adding emphasis to certain phrases or ideas.
Additionally, while the poem effectively conveys the intense emotions associated with love and longing, there could be an opportunity to further explore the complexities of relationships, perhaps by delving into the nuances of communication, vulnerability, or growth within the context of intimacy.
Overall, "Touch" is a poignant exploration of human connection and the profound impact of love and loss
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I knew...
I was right! You have a great many thoughts of love to expound upon. I hope that you will continue to let us read your work.
No matter the sex or perception of a lover, when you feel these deep connections, it is a pleasure to release the joy felt in having reached another's heart. Who cares about the rest of the world? I, for one, enjoy the "Touch" of another's being. The internal struggles, the wonder of it all. Take heed of the AI's comments on form, punctuation and line breaks. I'm not saying that you have to adhere to a stricter layout in order to be successful; however, if you make it easier for the reader to absorb, your work will be that much more improved and will reach farther. ~ Geez.
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