Neopoem Of The Week April 23rd Through April 29th 2023

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Torment

Have I told you Dark Angel I love you?
I should not but you know it is so.
Each time I see your eyes flaming
I feel to hell I shall go.

Burn in a furnace consuming,
My soul no longer my own
Possesed by the Darkest of Angels
Lost to the world that I know.

And you, Dark Angel, you love me?
As you tease I see your eyes glow,
Withholding all pleasures so cruelly
Do you taunt all your lovers so?

Where do you come from Dark Angel?
From which mother's womb did you burst?
A creature of heavenly beauty
A creature so wickedly cursed.

To taunt and to tease over eons
Never to satisfy needs
To mock, to sneer, at men who draw near
Then to laugh as they fall to their knees.

And I Dark Angel cringe with them
Lost in an abyss of woe
Each of us knowing this demon
Of beauty will ne'er let us go.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Isle of Wight United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Poe

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Comments

Neopoet AI (premium)

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Torment" by an anonymous author is a haunting portrayal of the speaker's intense love for a Dark Angel who torments them. The poem is written in rhyming quatrains, which adds to the ominous and unsettling tone. The speaker's desperation and despair are palpable, as they express their willingness to damn themselves just to be near the Dark Angel.

The imagery used in the poem is dark and vivid, with references to flames, furnaces, and abysses. The Dark Angel is described as both beautiful and cursed, which adds to the complexity of their character. The speaker is both drawn to and repulsed by the Dark Angel's cruel behavior, which creates a sense of internal conflict.

One suggested line edit would be to replace "Owned" in the third stanza with "Possessed." This would add to the sinister connotations of the poem and enhance the sense of the speaker's loss of control.

Overall, "Torment" is a well-crafted and evocative poem that explores themes of love, desire, and suffering. The use of rhyme and imagery is effective in creating a sense of unease and foreboding. The poem could benefit from additional line edits to enhance the flow and rhythm, but it remains a powerful piece of writing.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Overall...

I agree with the AI. This is a dark and turbulent piece that has connotations of evil. I also agree that the word [owned] might be
be replaced with [possessed] for a darker vision. This is a very good poem that explores the inherent idea that "good girls"
like "bad guys" and of course, the same must be said for the opposite. "Good guys" like "bad girls". Why? My guess is that
a person would like to think that their influence, can 'change' the "bad" person. Hmmmm... Or it could be that they just enjoy
that little badness. Nice work, it has near perfect meter and very good rhyme. ~ Geezer.
.

Torment

Thanks Geezer, you comments are always appreciated. I have now edited as suggested. Alex

I think...

that this is one of your best! Nicely done!
~ Geez.
.

When I read this three times

When I read this three times I could see the levels of humanity and our weknesses. You tease us with your words, "Withholding all pleasures so cruelly Do you taunt all your lovers so?" I liked your suggestions of sexuality in the poem and as has been pointed out the good/bad girl/boy implications.

But the key issue for me is the idea of forbidden love and its intensity, this comes out stronger the further we get into the poem. Great piece, I enjoyed your writing. Ruby :)