Plastic feelings,
long ago melted.
Dried prisms,
turned to crystal.
Obsolete dreams gone,
a fantasy replaced.
Fated words,
never again pass lips.
Once forgotten,
time holds no meaning.
Beyond our reality,
into tomorrows breath.
May 05, 2011
"Tomorrows Breath"
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A very short poem, and another attempt at freeverse.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Thank you Shirl ...
I'm glad you liked it, I'm not too comfortable with freeverse yet.Your comment means a lot to me, thanks again Shirl:-)
You could've...
fooled me! This looks like you are very comfortable with free verse. Excellent work, my friend! I really enjoyed this, and got a lot of emotion from it, which is why we write. ~ Gee
Thank you Gee ...
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Ive been applying the lessons Ive been learning here.
Dear KZ
This poem flows with a natural grace and ease. My favorite lines are:
Once forgotten,
time holds no meaning.
Beyond our reality,
into tomorrows breath.
and once we are forgotten, we exist no more. One of the reasons to be a creator of art...through our work we become immortal! I really like this one. I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.
always, Cat
Thank you Cat ...
I'm glad you liked it, and may I add that you seem to be liking all the same lines that I do, lol.Thanks again Cat:-)
KINGZOMBIE
I enjoyed this one from you, the fifth line" obsolete dreams gone" does throw me a bit, just my opinion :)
Glad you enjoyed it ...
The fifth line, it makes sense if you've ever felt this way.I appreciate you stopping in and commenting.
Why hello Rosi:-)
I don't know about it being my best ever, but I wont argue, lol.I like the title too, thanks Rosi:-)