raj
Apr 08, 2018
This poem is part of the contest:

April Contest... "Spring"

(Read More...)

Thrill Pill [April Contest]

For far too long my nascent poems
have frosted upon my lips
craving to jump out of the window
for shedding their winter chills

they want to dress in Cherry Blossom blooms
swirl with the breeze and swing with the bees
meet their Robin in the meadows
then roll on the pubescent greens

Yes, they want to feel adrenaline again
pumping through their dormant veins
dance on goose bumps on naked feet
and play hide and seek with the Sun

Between the lines of my nascent poems
is a box full of crayons
craving to paint my naked skin
in hues and shades of Spring

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

Rula

a creative take of the season, left me wandering between wonderment and deep thoughts but sure not away from spring.
Thank you for such an enchanting piece.
A 'thrill Pill' indeed.

Rula

I see you are still actively editing and I wonder what is the purpose of the shorter lines in the second and third stanzs. Trust me I'm asking to learn, no more no less. :)

R

for revisiting this page and your comment. I never realized that those lines you mention are short...do you mean that they are shorter in syllabi or words?
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R

I read aloud those two stanzas again (2nd and 3rd) and feel that I need to shorten the 2 stanzas to achieve a smoother flow...do you agree?
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purple-hobbit

I love the imagery and personification of your words :)

Rula

I think you've done great work with the edits.
Sorry for being late in replying or giving any suggestions, but you don't need the help .
I wish you the best. :)

Rula

What pills you get when you write, what is your inspiration source... your word's choice is really great!
I really like this spring piece.

PS. I wonder if you've intentionally capitalized the word 'sun'

R

Thanks Rula for revisiting this page and your appreciative words.

I haven't intentionally capitalized S in Sun...i think i should scale it down to lower case. Thanks for pointing it out.

Warmly...