If Corona turns a fashion
that women decide to follow,
will they then maintain the passion
for shopping, today and morrow?
Will they give a safe distance break
or care not to exchange kisses?
They'll sure at least have a hand-shake
-(guess that part no lady misses) :)
But men are much wiser, aren't they?
They care more for all health issues.
They'll just risk going out to pay
for sanitizers and tissues.
But saying women don't care,
Man! "Mum's the word" and be aware!
Last Few Words: Not a sonnet, not a sonnet...just14 lines holding the hope to awake the sleeping muse. Trying to add some sense of humor, don't know how it flows, I'd appreciate letting me know how bad /good this reads
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
LOL
The tissue line is spot on! Hmmmm.... Try decides instead of chooses in line 2. And try maintain instead of keep up in line 3. Just a few thoughts
Lol
Thanks for the comment Stan! I'm happy to know that bit of humor there works for you.
Thanks for the suggestions too. Edited as advised.
Highly appreciate your visit
Alan
So many thanks for your comprehensive review. It is much appreciated.
The reason why I said it's not a sonnet is that I used to write some strict sonnets following all its strict rules including not only syllable count but also the strict pentameter. I also conducted a workshop on how to write it here.
This one was as I said just to get back to writing longer pieces.
Still still... I am so grateful to your time and the effort and thoughts you put to improve this piece. I will sure take your points seriously when editing.
Many thanks again.
Hello Mark
Sorry that this writing hasn't make much sense. I see now after Alan's review my pitfalls and shall work on them the coming few days.
Always appreciate your kind visit.
I see
your point Alan and totally agree with you.
Thank you so much for your valuable feedback
Much appreciated!
Hello Alan
Edits done as suggested. Thank you. However, I don't think these difficult days will be easily forgotten in the coming future. Its victims around the world aren't an easy number. Hope though things will be better.
Thank you again for all your valuable reviews.
I am not much of a critic
but an American poetess
took pains to teach me
SONNETS with all it's intricacies .
I only cold follow abab cdcd etc 14 lines and finally gg
Well I composed a few
She passed away rather prematurely
left all lessons for me
was she disappointed
I couldn't ask her
She did not leave a sonnet for me