Rula
Rula
Nov 05, 2014
This poem is part of the workshop:

Can you make a limerick serious?

(Read More...)

The Thief ( Limerick WS)(with spoken word)

A thief once went by the name of Death,
had stolen the Man but not his wealth.
In the day or the night,
while it's dark or bright,
but never been accused of taking the breath.

https://soundcloud.com/rula68/the-thief

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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Comments

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

I see what you mean concerning the rhyme scheme. 'Death' and 'wealth' don't perfectly rhyme with 'filth',, right?
However the rhythm still drives me crazy
HELP!!

lovedly

why Man in caps?
and why not include woman...
both are equal now a days

one more point ...wait I'll have to go back ...wait yes...

it's dark why not was ?? i wonder

tenses roll as the day the night
get your limys right
for a worn out tee shirt
is the targetted fight

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

when capitalized includes both men and women.
and I can't see the use of 'was' here.
perhaps it's only me.

R

raj

10 years 5 months ago

Not sure if this would work. Just a suggestion

A thief all fear called Death.
Steals a life of every breath.
be it day or night
he uses his might
leaving a corpse to lay a wreath

Regards,

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

I like the suggestions. A better rhyming words: wreath, breath and death, however I still think the rhythm is off.
I thank you so much for trying to help. I will take your rhymes in consideration when editing.

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

duplicated.

wesley snow

Do you know the poem "The Night Before Christmas"? Find it and read the opening over again. It is written in catalyctic anapest just like a limerick. The rhythm is the same. A limerick simply has but three poetic feet.
This is doing it the hard way, but it might work.

Rula

Rula

10 years 5 months ago

I think my ear has started to feel the sounds.
I read that poem a few times and shall do it again.