Theatre Macabre
lower the house lights
in the broken-down theater
of a thousand tortured nights
hush the sequined crowd
of ragged clowns
and aged ringleaders
bring a soft spot
to center stage
awaken the sots
while the curtains descend
composing a backdrop
of claret crushed velvet
hear a pin drop
as I strike my pose
extending toes on one foot I hop
beginning the dance
in a blue light
as my body dips and spins
performing on shards of broken glass
a showcase of sins
a mad chase
ending in capture
a dispirited body
in a red illumed cage
and a torn gown of velvet and tattered lace
Comments
Hello Golden Lady
Glad to see you here still and how are you doing? I thought this poem was about the recent theater massacre. I see it is not. I like it but what is this
xhards
Unless you meant chards:)
Would love to hear from you and how is Dan the Man doing?
Love to you and the family
Mona
Miss you too!
Hello Dear Lady Magics!
I'll e-mail you! If you don't hear from me soon, then I must have the wrong address. Thanks for reading and catching that typo! I hope you are well!
love, Cat
dearest cat
powerful
just a couple of thoughts
‘hushing the sequined crowd’ – i avoid gerunds where possible – ‘hush the sequined crowd’ ?
‘awakens the sots’ – perhaps ‘awaken’ without the ‘s’ – to bring the tense in line with the rest of the write…
typo ? ‘performing on xhards of broken glass’ = do you mean ‘shards’ ?
‘in a mad chase
ending in capture
in a red illumed cage
in a torn gown of velvet and tattered lace
– a lot of ‘in’s - I’d lose some
‘a mad chase
ending in capture
a red illumed cage
and a torn gown of velvet and tattered lace’
I’d also suggest that you space it a bit for better digestion
awesome imagery here cat
a great write
love judy
xxx
Dear Judy,
Thank you for your absolutely needed suggestions! Much better now!
always, Cat
Dear Lonnie,
I greatly value your assessments!
always, Cat
Dear Eph,
It is always a wonderful surprise when I find a critique from you! How are you?
love, Cat
Dearest Eph,
It has been a long slow recovery, but I'm finally doing well after my illness. I'm tickled pink to see you here! Take care of yourself!
always, Cat (& eddy)