sewie smalls
sewie smalls
Jul 17, 2017

the temple

dressed as freely as i came
adorned with nothing, the mirror reflecting beauty and strength
a sacred temple is what i am
a little bit of honey, chocolate, milk, lightning and scars
treating me otherwise is pure ignorance
so with trembling knees and bowed head, you will worship in spirit and in truth.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: i was inspired in the bathroom.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: nigeria, NGA

Favorite Poets: rupi kaur

More from this author

Comments

S

I think a Lot of people are inspired in the bath room but just won't admit it lol. Welcome to neopoet. If you have any problems such as navigating the site just ask me or any other member.....stan

Eumolpus

And has good inner logic. It's short enough to read over several times, so here's a few comments:
putting chocolate so close to milk makes it sound too much like "chocolate-milk", i would try to put it a different way. Also the length of the last line...i think it should be broken into 2 lines.

I think you have a serious theme here, the body as the temple, including its "lightening and scars" (very strong line). Thanks for your poem.

sewie smalls

your comment means a lot to me...half of the times i just write..being a toddler in poetry
but this comment is very inspiring

thanks

sewie smalls

Very much, I hope that you continue to voice out your opinions, I still have so much to learn