Rula
Rula
Sep 19, 2012
This poem is part of the workshop:

Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

(Read More...)

Teach Me More (Mindful Memorable WS # 6)

you taught me to soar
without wings
to paint with words
 to sleep
 on the clouds
to hug and kiss the stars
 to sway
and bask the best of the day
even if it were dark
you taught me 
every little hearty bit
 

almost everything I want

but you never
told me
where- when you leave
to keep
my heart
 

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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Comments

docmaverick

...to my ear, this is true poetry. I can actually FEEL you inside your scribblings; and I really liked it!
Good day,
doc.

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 7 months ago

We see your heart in your words they have brought us the beauty that is there, Yours Ian.T

Rula

the beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Thanks for the compliment.

judyanne

this is awesome rula

the only thing that spoils it for me is the repeating of ‘heart’, not only are they only six lies separate, but also, with both finishing the line, they really stick out

what do you think about changing one? to maybe make the first one ‘breast’, ‘affections’, ‘centre’…
‘
I can’t pick any favourite lines – I would have to write them all out. well done, and memorable in its beauty of imagery
- soaring without wings, painting with words, sleeping on the clouds....

love judy
xxx

Rula

Rula

12 years 7 months ago

isn't it ?

Done with many thanks for reading and for the suggestion
Have a nice day dear Kelesy.

BlueDemon77

Your voice here is like a feather-touch. It's so easy to lapse into the sentimental when speaking so openly of love. You did it the hard way, the real way. You gave us the blue rose and its thorns. Exquisitely done!

Ron

S

Can't find a word I'd change. But try line breaks between line 6 and 7 then between line 9 and 10 and see if you like it...................stan