Taming Of the Beast
this creature lives
inside of me
feasting on
antipathy
the naming of
my dark twin
I hold at bay
just beneath my skin
it lies in wait
below the seeming
of my flesh facade
of my distressed screaming
its foul breath
could etch tempered glass
a poison brew
could kill en masse
still on its chain
I give receipt
of paper and pen
to spew dire deceit
thus reduce the pressure
a potent release
in the process of
taming of the beast
Last Few Words: Thanks to the poet Lonnie, for help in creating this piece
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
PRRRR...
Very nice it moved smooth for me. i stumbled a bit on my first read but i do love this a lot. Now prrrr Ms. Cat :)
Tommi
Dear Tommi,
Thank you for reading and responding!
always, Cat
All hail
Eddy Styx. Wish i could find a suitable name for my dark side.
Love this!
Dear Hannah,
Thank you! I hope you find the perfrect name for your dark inner poet!
always, eddy (& cat)
Dear Cat
nicely scripted to describe the beast which resides inside almost all...it would be naive if some deny it...the title is perfect since the wisdom is in how one is able to tame the beast...as usual presented in your unique style...
i better stay out of harm's way of the beast in you ..lol..
much love..
Dear raj,
How have you been? I've missed seeing you around. I'm glad you're back!
always, eddy (& cat)
oh yay eddy
this creature lives
inside of me (of – just pulls at my grammar string a little. I’d drop 'of', you don’t need it)
feasting on
antipathy
and
‘it lies in wait
below the seeming
of my flesh facade
of my distressed screaming’
sounds a little convoluted
suggestion
‘it lies in wait
below the seeming
flesh façade / fleshy facade
of my distressed screaming’
‘its foul breath
could etch tempered glass
a poison brew
could kill en masse’ – two ‘could s’ – maybe make one of them a ‘would’ ?
still on its chain
I give receipt
of paper and pen
to spew dire deceit – my favourite stanza
but then, to my ear
‘thus reduce the pressure
a potent release
in the process of
taming of the beast’
just needs a little tidy to succinct
maybe
‘thus inducing
a potent release
of pressure in process of
taming of the beast’
love it eddy, but it sounds more like cat describing you isn’t it – therefore did cat write this and pretend to be you… oh now my head is hurting
love to you both and also to poor Steve who must feel quite out of it when you are around ….
judy
xx
Dear Judy,
You are so right. This piece needs a bit of tweaking. I will work on it when I feel better. A nasty cold/virus has snuck in and attacked me. I hope this one never sees your beautiful shores. When I work on this poem, I will take your suggestionsn into account.
Yes, I guess this is me (cat) describing my relationship with the vile eddy.
always, Cat (& eddy)