Taken For Granted
When we take things for granted
We can’t help but miss out
Like the leaves changing color
When did that come about?
I swear yesterday
They all were still green
But in today’s sunlight
'Twas a magical scene
Technology too
Is playing a role
With communication
Now paying the toll
As for friends, we don’t talk
We’ll text them instead
Then presume that they know
The thoughts in our head
When it comes to love
We’ll assume someone’s there
Neglecting to tell them
How muchly we care
Long story short
It's sad but it's true
If we take life for granted
Our time could be through
Comments
Hi Valene,
Not bad at all for on the fly,
maybe a couple of places where
the rhythm falls off (read aloud).
This is your original write, it could
be improved upon with more thought
placed in the facial expressions missed
out on during texting, improving impact
of "communication" stanza and addressing
the impact of the ending stanza.
Like I said, this is a fine little poem, but
if you want to improve it, there is almost
always a way with more thought put into
it.
Richard
Hi Richard
I read your review when I got home from work. Maybe I should have waited a bit, but decided to take your advice and did a bit of revising. I'm thinking it's reading a bit smoother and appreciate your input. I'll be curious, if you so desire, to see what you think, and if not, no 'harm no foul,' I still an grateful you took the time to read and comment on my work.
val
Hi Val,
Yes, that was an improvement in the
"music" of the delivered word ... how
do you feel about it? You never want to
take suggestions that hinder your message,
it is a curvy ride we're on.
We have a great tool here, the revisions
tab, shows exactly what was changed and
shows a comparison.
Really good to meet you,
Richard
Feeling GOOD!
Hi Richard, I do feel much better how it reads and appreciate your taking the time to re-read and comment. If I don't necessarily agree with what someone says, I still take their thoughts into consideration, but long story short, I know it's my decision to change things up. In this case, I found your input to give me the insight needed to make this piece a better read!
Thanks so much and nice to meet you too!
val
Val
Just a small doubt, I think you might have meant "role" instead of "roll" referring to technology. As for the poem, you are on a roll. Good poem and expressive language.
Thanks for that
Yep you were right! I did mean role not roll and 'tis been changed! Great appreciated!
val
Valene
True, Very true. I've seen families sitting together at a restaurant but rarely speak as they "glued" their eyes on the handphones( I was told it was called cellphones in other parts of the world).
Love this poem. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks!
I happy to know you were able to relate to my words. I appreciate your positive input!
Yes, here, they're cellphones, my friend in England calls them mobiles, but they're all the same thing and I have witnessed what you've mentioned; people together but not really together cos they're wrapped up in their own little worlds on their cells!
Thanks again,
val
dear val,
I've seen young children with cell phones...shame on their parents for being so lazy and not bothering to strengthen the family connection! I really enjoyed your poem. thumbs up!
*hugs, Cat
I know what you mean....
It's amazing how technology has changed the dynamics of relationships in general. I see some of our customers come in, presumably husband and wife or at least significant others, and each are on their cell phones doing their own things while ignoring each other. Even if they have work stuff to deal with, I'd think they'd want some together time to get a break from work. I know at times I do take certain things for granted, we all do, but at least i think I'm aware enough to realize that there's a world out side of mine and it needs attention too.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!
hugs,
val