The day dawned, dewy, but the mist was clearing.
The sun rose fiercely, soon was scorching, searing.
The trail was blazing and our heads were burning.
From Wetton Mill, we walked; we were returning.
We stopped to shelter 'neath a leafy bower.
We said, "five minutes," but we sat an hour
to hear the murmur of a stream, fast flowing,
and listen to a field of flowers growing.
And in that stillness, from the sunshine, shaded,
we killed the time, while precious peace pervaded
our souls. For weeks, we'd been wound up and wired;
of mindless chatter, we were sick and tired!
Refreshed, once more, along the trail we travelled.
The sky grew darker as the day unravelled.
Then dusk descended as the light was fading,
till moon, as stately sun, came masquerading!
Comments
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A Summer's Day Walk in the Manifold Valley" captures the essence of a peaceful and rejuvenating hiking experience. The vivid description of the changing weather and terrain, from the dewy morning to scorching sun and then to the fading light of dusk, creates a sense of movement and progression throughout the poem. The use of alliteration in "blazing" and "burning" emphasizes the intensity of the midday sun, while the image of seeking shelter under a leafy bower provides a welcome respite from the heat.
The poem's strength lies in its ability to convey a sense of tranquility and introspection. The line "and listen to a field of flowers growing" is particularly effective in evoking a sense of stillness and appreciation for the natural world. The contrast between the hectic pace of daily life ("mindless chatter") and the peacefulness of the valley is also well-drawn.
One potential area for improvement is the line "to hear the murmur of a stream, fast flowing". While the use of "fast flowing" adds a sense of movement and urgency, it feels slightly redundant given the earlier use of "murmur". A possible edit could be to replace "fast flowing" with "gently babbling", which would still convey the sound of a stream while also adding a touch of alliteration.
Overall, "A Summer's Day Walk in the Manifold Valley" is a well-crafted and evocative poem that captures the beauty and serenity of nature.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Your title is okay, and makes
Your title is okay, and makes me want to know
what is the Manifold Valley? Is it a real place?
The language use is good and I didn't have to stop
and ponder the meaning of any of the words.
What has wound up the author and his companion?
How has their walk been affected? All questions that
I would ask if I were to meet them. Nice theme, but needs a bit to explain
how this walk came to be. All-in-all, a good poem. ~ Geezer.
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a walk....
Thanks, Geezer. Yeah, you're right about the mystery. The Manifold Valley is an actual place, and we (wife and I) actually walked this trail last summer after a stressful year. We just wanted to get away to the country, to escape the 'madness' of the city. Again, thank you for your encouraging feedback.