06/24 Living With Depression

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Struggle

I watch the people, feel their pain,
I watch them struggle, to stay sane,
I see their hurt, I hear them cry,
I understand why some want to die.

I desperately want to lose this sorrow
I do wanna live to see tomorrow
It's just that, when everything is feeling right,
Someone knocks me down, and makes me fight

Life, it seems is one big struggle,
Always trying to breathe and stay strong
Trying so hard to survive this life,
Trying so hard to belong!

Yet! I can't shake this feeling
Of sadness and feeling blue
I wish I could just fade away
Silently, so no-one knew.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks for reading. :)

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia- Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Robert Louis-Stevenson

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively communicates a deep sense of struggle and despair, with a strong emotional resonance. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more varied use of language. The words 'struggle', 'pain', 'sorrow', 'sadness', and 'blue' are used to convey the speaker's emotional state, but they are quite common and straightforward. Using more unique or unexpected words could make the poem more engaging and impactful.

Secondly, the rhythm and meter of the poem could be more consistent. Some lines have a clear rhythmic pattern, while others do not. This inconsistency can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it less enjoyable to read.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. Most of the poem is quite abstract, focusing on the speaker's feelings rather than specific events or experiences. Incorporating more concrete details could make the poem more vivid and engaging.

In terms of the poem's structure, it follows a loose rhyming scheme, which gives it a sense of cohesion. However, the poem could be more effective if it had a more consistent and predictable rhyme scheme.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of struggle and despair, but could be improved by using more varied language, maintaining a consistent rhythm, incorporating more concrete imagery, and following a more consistent rhyme scheme.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

This piece is so poignant and

This piece is so poignant and real. It reminded me of being kind to others as we do not know their struggles.

Hi Tawny

Thank you so much for your kind comment. :)

Struggle

Hello, Carrie,
I completely agree with Tawny - so affecting. Many times the title of a poem strengthens the context of the poem, but as I read this, the language used made me feel the true battle and reality of your title. Well written.
Thank you!
L

Hi Lavender

Thank you so much for kind comment. :)

Woah slow me down

Stop and smell dem purdy roses!
In all that sadness and pent up rage there has to be some - or is some finer times.
Well expressed in brutal dark poetry, Carrie.
The Rhyme is a great compliment to the confusion of what am I doing wrong? Can anybody in my world help!
Being lost, but Carrie, this be you then you are certainly found at the very least by your pen.
xo

Hi Mark

Thanks matey for your kind words. :)