Horizon
II
this
\
fix
/
to
\
mind
/
of
\
heap
/
steep
\
this
/
up
\
way
/
the
\
make
/
once
\
at
/
must
\
we
/
(sigh)
II
Dec 13, 2011
steep steps
About This Poem
Last Few Words: starts at th bottom if that helps anyone. had to use the advance formatting and couldn't do anything about the double spacing so now it looks a bit stretched. sorry if you have to scroll while reading.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neat experiment.
Concrete verse is so tricky though, as you found. Even if you get it right for posting in one place it will lose formatting in another. Never touch the stuff myself.
A hint, when using advanced formatting here, or even in most word processors, use shift-enter (forced line break) rather than just enter (new paragraph) to avoid extra spacing.
Most importantly concrete verse really is best as an enhancement, not a requirement for the reading.
(sigh)
we must at once make the way [our way?]
up this steep heap of mind
to fix this Horizon [horizon]
Yes, it works.
thx weird
this one's been thru a lot of work. originally it was-
i must make my way to the top of the page and fix my horizon-
and has finally evolved into this. thx for the formatting tip, might fix this up when i get gumption to tackle it. i tried using 'our' when writing this but i was trying to make the steps all single syllabe words and 'our' just didn't come out right.
thx for your time and words.
Hi
im all for experiment but I feel that the words feel a little too disconnected,of course what do I know ? Lol
Lou