Rhiannon1010

Jan 16, 2012

This poem is part of the workshop:

More Meter

(Read More...)

Description:

Leader: Jess (weirdelf)
Moderator(s): Beauregard, Geezer, Wesley Snow

Objectives: To get meter inside our heads and make it easy.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter:
More Meter

In the last meter workshop we compared iambic meter with trochaic and had a quick look at anapaestic. This time we will start with a discussion on meter and each participant's experience/knowledge of it. The workshop activities will be tailored to each persons needs and development.

Only two things are not open to argument. We will use classic meter terminology, it is not hard and it is useful. And critique of each others submissions are considered as important as your own submissions.

OK, to get the ball rolling I will give the briefest possible description I can of meter.

Meter is the rhythm of poetry as determined by the way words are pronounced normally in English, this does allow for regional and dialect variations. Meter is not about counting syllables, it is about counting Feet. A foot is two or three syllables of which one is stressed. The repetition of feet creates meter. The number of feet per line defines the metric form.

The most common forms of feet are Iambic, Anapestic, Trochaic And Dactylic and we will discuss them all.

The number of feet per line are named with Greek numeric prefixes (monometer, dimeter, etc.). We will go up to five feet per line (pentameter).

Just about everyone has heard of Iambic Pentameter. It has been popular since Shakespeare and Chaucer. Iambic Pentameter is a line of five iambs
da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM

To join please PM me or Beauregard

Enough for now. Let's talk! In the following discussion important points about content and style will be raised. Contribute your thoughts, ideas and questions.

FIRST ACTIVITIES.

For those who have never consciously written in meter before-

Write up to 14 lines of Iambic Pentameter.
Do NOT rhyme.
Choose a topic that is not emotional, personal or profound, merely descriptive. This will free up your word choice.

For those who have consciously written in meter before-

Write up to 14 lines of Trochaic Pentameter.
Do NOT rhyme.
Allow variations including Dactylic and strong and weak lines.
Choose a topic that is not emotional, personal or profound, merely descriptive. This will free up your word choice.

From the Toolbar click Workshop>Submit a poem.

Copy or type in your poem. Scroll to the bottom of the screen and above the Preview button you will see a Workshop droplist. Click this and select More Meter. Then preview and save as normal.

PLEASE READ THE SYLLABUS, THE DISCUSSION AND ALL MESSAGES CAREFULLY

This workshop is closed.

Stars

Round orbs of light swirl in the dark night sky
Which float above an endless world of hate
Their light absolves all fear of youthful death
The wars, they rage around our children's souls
Disease and hunger steal their life away
Here in this war torn world no one is safe
Children look to these strange orbs for comfort
They hope that when they die they will go there

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Alfred Noyes

Comments

hello

The wars around their souls is not near as fierce as the wars over their souls. I think this is type trochaic?.....stan

Wow,

some of these are so good, I enjoyed your thym also. I am truly learning. me I'm just winging it.
Well done, impressive!

Eddie
...

Lol

I am obviously not doing well because I was trying iambic pentameter

Good control over feet

in every line except the first you have five feet per line! That's really good. I've jotted down the break up on paper and line six is perfect iambic pentameter:) (at I think so:p)!

There are a few mix-up though (usually in the middle of each line) between trochees and iambs.

Because of my limited net usage at the moment I can't get the break up to you until Monday or Tuesday. If you'd like it sooner, please pm me your email tonight and I'll scan you the page I jotted it down on to you.

Well-done!

Content :)

I can't get round the parsing. Actually, I'm afraid to try. I'll just settle for the theme instead. Obviously dark, with a bit of longing hope lingering at the end.

The reading was smooth even without much punctuation. The meter looked consistent to me. Your saying iambic pentameter lets me see one clearly in line two:

"Floating above an endless world of hate" and five.
"Disease and hunger steal their life away"

The poem's a lament, but it's not a drag. (Most people's lamentations turn out to be). Not long, but to the point.

second look

"Round orbs/ of light/ swirl in/ the dark/ night sky"
so far what I have learned after speaking to Jess on Skype. is the iambic pantameter reads like this,
da Dum, da Dum, da Dum da dum, da Dum.
In your first line your "swirl in" the stress is really on the swirl and not the in. according to what i've learned so far it can't be that way. to be sure I will ask Jess to look at it. I could be wrong, I don't think so.
i am having the same problem with line four, let me say that it seems as if you used different meter on some and another on the others. maybe this is not iambic pantameter, then can you tell me what it is because i am getting confused here. to much going on in this one, the thought in this is great as I said earlier. now that a little understanding of meter has invaded my brain, I seem to look at it according to the parameters of the workshop.
Eddie
...

lets parse this

Round orbs/ of light/ swirl in/ the dark/ night sky [iambic pentameter]
Floating/ above/ an end/less world/ of hate [a trochee then 4 iambs]
Their light/ absolves/ all fear/ of youth/ful death [iambic pentameter]
The wars/, they rage/ around/ our child/ren's souls [iambic pentameter]
Disease/ and hung/er steal/ their life/ away [iambic pentameter]
Here in/ this war/ torn world/ no one/ is safe [iambic pentameter]
Children/ look to/ these strange/ orbs for/ comfort [trochaic pentameter!]
Hoping/ that when/ they die/ they will/ go there [a trochee then 4 iambs]

See how it works? the biggest trap for young players is finding an unstressed first syllable for the line, that's where you erred in lines 2 and 7. Line 6 is pure trochaic.

I'm not asking about this

I'm not asking about this workshop, but is the change in meter a problem in general poetry?

hello

From what I can gather a change in meter is OK as long as it's not the wrong type of change. When you read a line that stumbles in rhytm it's usually becaust of a wrong type of change..........stan

Almost no-one, including Shakespeare,

uses one form of meter exactly throughout. But iambic mixes with anapestic and trochaic mixes with dactylic. Otherwise you get consecutive stress syllables which jar.

I'd say that if it sound

I'd say that if it sound "right", then it's ok, whatever change of meter there is.

Oh William!

[pauses to control his temper]. What we are trying to do is explain what sounds right.
Iambs and trochees don't mix because you get consecutive stressed syllables, similarly all the other principles that have been explained. If totally random meter is used, especially with an excess of stressed syllables it sounds like a 4 year old beating a drum.

Reducing it to "if it sound "right", then it's ok," is very much like the ignorant saying "I don't know much about poetry but I know what I like". We are trying to learn some useful tools here.

I am very disappointed by this comment.

I err

You're right Gandalf!

We'v got to stick to the point of this workshop. I guess I got carried away. :) My bad.