I had not for this winter evening walk
my just passed friend with whom to talk.
Along I had the trees in a row
whispering playful sounds had come slow.
Then I summoned the memories within,
They played the sound of a violin.
The glimpse of the past interlaced.
and youthful forms were easily traced.
I had the pleasing laughter bound.
It evoked in me a sound so loud.
and though alone I headed home back
I wouldn't let his star dim-go black.
Over and over those memories would feed.
Never would pass, but with I'd proceed.
Unlike the profanation,of your leave
at ten o'clock on a winter eve.
Comments
Hi Rula
You Have changed the mood of this poem but you did so by changing far too many words. Remember the instructions called for changing no more than 2 words per line. I know this is difficult but this shop is dealing with making maximum impact by judicious use of a few words here and there. But do not change this yet. Await others' commentary first.............stan
hello Stan
Yes, I have exceeded the no. of the words that I'm suggested to, I thought you were saying we can change two lines.
Your example clarifies it.
Thank you.