When dawn is up
with greener hues
and genuine colors
got more to infuse,
when eyes catch more
of magical views
to leash the boredom
and all the blues,
when the sun's warmer
on the sandy dunes
and the back yards din
with tons of tunes,
when quills in ink
dance with muse
and sing up with
or without the flutes,
when the media's up
with Only good news
Just then I'll think
It's Spring.
Apr 03, 2018
Spring? (April's Contest)
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hi Rula
Good to see you posting again....you have really created the sounds and color of Spring in your poem...make sure you post it to April Contest...
warmly...
Hello raj
Thanks for reading and the comment. I think this contest is meant only for new participants as the dropping window indicates. We need the sponsors to assure this really.
Thanks again dear raj. Any suggestions?
Do you think the last few lines make any sense?
Yes Rula
The end lines are so meaningful especially if the joyous colors and music of Spring are lost in the more profound color of bloodshed and cries for freedom around...those lines hold a profound meaning...shows your sensitivities...
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warmly
No, not just for...
new participants! I'm sorry, I will go and correct this now! Sorry if I indicated otherwise. Please enter the contest, as I enjoyed this very much. It may not win, but it has every right to be considered.
~ Geezer.
.
Geezer
thanks so much for correcting this glitch.
I also appreciate your kind comment highly.
Thanks again
friend. I'm so happy to know you think so.
Much appreciation.
Noted the changes you have
Noted the changes you have made eliminating some negative vibes...there is a spello in genuin which should be genuine..
i will follow this poem in case you do more edits...
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Thanks
For hawk eye. I put the last lines back following your suggestion.
Where I live..
Winter is definitely winning at the moment. I like how your poem captures the struggle in transition between winter and spring. Then adding "When media comes up with Only good news," that makes it special on another level. Nice free verse Rula.
Halcyon
Appreciate the kind visit. I wasn't really sure about the last few lines until you and raj affirmed that they work there well.
A big thank you.
Thanks Rula
for making me smile like a Hawk...:)
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:)
:)
it's not spring yet ----here where I live
it's about 5 ish degrees Centi
the snows have not yet melted
come and see
the snow laden trees
The USA guys have early spring
to them it's like a harbinger
of peace
and so they have added an early competition
I will await to read
but composing on this site
I have now abandoned
let others breed
spring has not sprung yet
indeed
your poetry will lead...
(only minor typo contest not rest)
Loved
Thanks for the kind words. I hope that spring won't be late where you live. It means a lot to have you on my page.
Thank you .
kindness
it's always a pleasure
Rula ma'am
Rula
When you have ended the previous lines with a period do you think all the Whens in the next line should be with a W in higher case? Just a thought
Warmly..
hello raj
as I edited I thought I'd leave out the periods and replaced them with occasional commas as I believe all the thoughts are relatively related. Hope this makes some sense.
Appreciate your thoughts highly indeed.
Hi Rula
Oh Ok...perhaps my Hawk eye was not in operational mode which is why I didn't see that they were commas...
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Rula
I keep coming back to this time and again..
would addition of "indeed" in the last line make it more meaningful?
Just then I'll think
It's Spring indeed.
moreover, i suggest you read aloud the entire piece when may be you will find the need to improve flow of some lines...i don't know if in poetic terminology its called scansion...
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Thank you raj
I'm grateful for your suggestion, yet I am not v. sure about adding the word 'indeed'. As for the flow I was sure to read it many times. I know it's not v.smooth especially at the ending lines where I thought the *unsmoothness* serves to emphasize the last line message. Hope this makes some sense?
However, I promise to revisit after some few days.
Can't tell how happy I'm to have such a talented friend to help.
Thank you dear raj.
No big deal Rula for making
No big deal Rula for making suggestion/s. I too will read it aloud a couple of times and if necessary come up with more suggestions...
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