Spiraling

If I fall do not wake me
as I spiral down
I'll accept my destiny
here I am awake, but unconscious
and I'll look to the moon for my guidance
I can feel this so deep
but only I weep for me
to be held close I don't need
but illuminate me with your energy
I've fallen with no hands in reach
I lie dormant
here it is not rotten nor lonely
I can feel it all around me
like frozen stones, eyes surrounding, darkened holes.
They whisper "sleep, let them be"
I am forsaken
blessed with this third eye
I can smell flames
smoldering, seeping through my heart. [smouldering]
As if the violin sings for the lost souls
I seek for those
the more I travel,
the more I learn to love the unknown.

Vincent Muscato

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: U.S., KOR

Comments

Is your name Vincent muscato?

What a lovely strong name and a strong poem.
But WHY IN CAPITALS.
We're you shouting?

that is my name

thank you for the compliment my nme is vincent muscato typing in caps is jus a habbit sorry my next ones will not be in caps

I like this very much

Good imagery and ideas. However all caps really takes away from it. It reads far more accessible to your reader and less like bald shouting un-capped, as below. If you want to change it you can copy below, click edit and paste it in, remember to delete my spelling correction in brackets. Another thing I would suggest is that the personal pronoun 'I' is overused, 17 times in 24 lines. This could be quite easily fixed with some editing.

Vincent Muscato

Great corrections

Thanks for your help to all.

Ah, much better, eh.

But you forgot to correct smoldering and delete [smouldering]

Vinnie

Firstly a great welcome to Neopoet site and we hope your stay with us will enhance all our ways..
Your write was really holding and I read it after the capitals were sorted so to me it was a very good read..
Here we have many things going on for learning poetry please ask if there are any problems, Yours Ian.T

Welcome too - loved this,

Welcome too - loved this, fresh and original, very strong. missed the 'caps' bit but love it as i have found it.