The colored leaves
Hide my eyes
The spider web
Retrieves my rhymes
Wrapped in silken
Bed she lies
Her pillowed head
Spun sunset die
Jan 30, 2013
Spider
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I'm not sure I get this.
the line
Retrieves my rhymes
could be re-worked, IMO,
perhaps
Bespeaks my rhymes,
just a suggestion.
Not sure about the last line either
Spun sunset die[s]
I like it, but it could use some work.
Or I am stupid.