she wished for them
to feast upon
little green apples
with tiny brown worms
residing inside
while she should feast
upon the mackintosh
they wore jewled rings
on every finger
precious and expensive stones
while she wore a
single simple band
of silver on one hand
their clothes were of
the latest designer ilk
they sported expensive fashions
decked out from head to toe
her garments were hand me downs
they were willowy and graceful
blond and beautiful
she was petite
With short mousy brown hair
her gait was uncertain
and self-conscious
so easily she could trip or fumble
A secret she carried in her heart
was for fate to intervein
and fairy godmother to switch their places
Sep 12, 2011
Sour Grapes (emotions workshop: envy)
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This poem is written and posted for the writing with emotions workshop. This topic is: envy or jealousy. The requirements are that you get your point accross without the mention of those two words. I know my title sucks so I ask for alternative suggestions. Thank you.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dear Cat...
i confer upon Thee the title of "Queen of Emotions"...Phew! i wonder how you come up so quickly and consummate ease with writes to express every emotion in the list put up by Chrys and Stan for this workshop..i guess you have made it easy for Chrys to choose the winner...you will surely win hands down...deservedly so...