Apr 19, 2014

Somnium

Listen, as the storm has calmed
As the rain has ceased,
As it’s all slowed down,
Won’t you listen to me?

You’re gonna live longer,
You’re gonna run faster,
You’re gonna fight harder,
But your life will be harder.

Choose,
Choose to stay
Hold your thoughts
Don’t burn your stories away.

You’re gonna live longer,
You’re gonna hold tighter,
You’re gonna dream better,
But your life will be harder.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Yeah I know I haven't posted in a while. I lost my muse for a while. But I got that feeling, where your heart starts beating and your hands start shaking. There's still a story to tell in all of this, somewhere. Wrote this in a few minutes, have at it.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: California

Comments

hello Search

this is really beautiful poem, the first stanza is perfect
but I feel that is somehow ended suddenly
why don't you try to put one more stanza before or after the last one

but this is just my opinion, you don't have to do it of course
:)

I get ya

Hi Emina ,

I totally get what you mean. The poem does end suddenly. I was actually going for that effect. I have done a lot of different experimentation in many of my poems, on how I can work with peoples emotions as they are reading, so that different people can have a different experience as they read. What I tried here was to do the same thing with structure, to invoke certain feelings in people. This actually reminds me a bit of J.D Salinger and his work "9 stories" where we would be on the edge of our seats while reading only to face a sudden end to story which had built up so much emotion an tension. You could say the deliberate restriction of information. Sort of what I was going for. Glad you enjoyed it.

Search

A poet once wrote for me to read:-

I've taken some crazy turns in my life
I've landed in places I never thought I'd be.
I have had my fair share of fear and insanity.
Yet there is no depression in me at all.
I look to the world not with sadness
But with glistening eyes,
For there is a road for me.
I write today to tell my story ,
I dislike to judge how others have written theirs.

Well, well, I wonder where that poet is now, stop all this muses gone that is shifting the blame to a mythical being that cannot answer back.
There in your thoughts you hold the key to the universe (Verse being the operative word) you wrote this in minutes now lets take your ways on this journey you have been on and write.
I liked this one as ragged as it was,
Yours Ian.T