Kristen H.
Aug 21, 2023
This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week August 20th To August 25th 2023

(Read More...)

Sometimes I Panic

Sometimes...
My heart rate is 130 sitting perfectly still

Sometimes
I can't breathe a breath big enough to fill my chest and satisfy my lungs

Sometimes
My eyes water and my lip starts to tremble

Sometimes
Everyone sounds like white noise
The tinnitus sounds like a bell chime
My head begins to pound,
I can feel my pulse bursting in my neck
Hands begin to sweat
Legs start to shake.

Sometimes
I feel like I'm going to die.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Panic attacks are real and its important to tell the story. I'm sorry, in advance, if anyone can relate to this.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA - Georgia, USA

Favorite Poets: Lord Alfred Tennyson

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Sometimes I Panic" effectively conveys a sense of anxiety and panic through its use of visceral, physical descriptions. The repetition of "Sometimes" at the start of each stanza creates a rhythm that mirrors the unpredictability and cyclical nature of panic attacks.

However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure and a deeper exploration of the speaker's emotional state. While the physical symptoms of panic are vividly described, the emotional and psychological aspects of the experience could be further developed.

In addition, the poem ends abruptly with "I feel like I'm going to die." While this line is powerful, it might be more impactful if it were followed by a reflection on the speaker's feelings or thoughts in the aftermath of a panic attack. This could provide a more nuanced understanding of the speaker's experience and give the poem a stronger sense of closure.

Lastly, the poem could also benefit from the use of more figurative language. Metaphors, similes, and other figurative devices could add depth and complexity to the poem's descriptions and make the speaker's experience more relatable to readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

but not for more than the seconds that it takes to recognize that you are going to have an accident; or a few minutes
in a bad sitiuation. I can't imagine what it must be like to have it sustained for more than that! Minutes must seem like hours.
Tinnitus I know, I have lived with it a great portion of my life, but I can't imagine many and sustained attacks of panic.
You have done an admirable job of telling the story.
Nice work! ~ Geezer.
.

K

very much for your feedback, Geezer. I will admit, they are very difficult to live with and to deal with, but I've learned many ways to cope with them. Writing, of course, but also grounding exercises and timed breathing. It's something you learn to live with, unfortunately.

Geezer

the failings of the human body. Amazing, isn't it, how we can adapt to many parts missing or damaged. The miscommunication of the brain and the body and all the other things that can and do go wrong. We are the most adaptable form of life on this planet. Always glad to help or just let you know how I feel about your work. ~ Geez.
.

K

The human body is a miraculous thing, even with its flaws. My brain has more flaws than some and less flaws than others. Adapting is my greatest tool. Your feedback is always appreciated, Geez. :)

RoseBlack

The bane of my existence and part of my daily life. They are horrible and mimic so many other terrifying illnesses. Thank you for writing so honestly and descriptively about the hell that ensues as a result of them. Well done!