snuggle like tendrils
akin to their intimate
seductive twirling
their delicate touch rouses
budding lilies and lilacs
Mar 18, 2015
Snuggle
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
A lovely renga raj
I especially liked the couplets.
I am not though so happy with the "awaking does awake" as it seems a bit forced and would suggest "ignite" instead of "does wake". It shall keep the syllable count for you too.
Thanks Rula for the time,
Thanks Rula for the time, visit and comment
Will look at the suggestion made by you and see what I can.do
Regards,
Hi Rula
If you happen to visit this page again see if the tweaks I have given now work better.
Regards,
Yes
I like it much better.
Thanks Rula for re-visiting
Thanks Rula for re-visiting this page and expressing your satisfaction with the edits.
Regards,
Esoteric
feel to this fine write.
its good sauce
I like it . . .
it's not too much
it's not too weak
it's just right for Goldilocks
Hi Simon & Lenny
Thank you both for taking time to visit this page, your read and leaving an encouraging comment which is appreciated.
Regards,
frozen wasteland
my heart
and our garden box
traingle out front
lie black and ravaged
looking
how anything can arrive
from frozen solid
earth is beyond me
let alone survive
i put in phone hydro
pole once in winter
three feet of frost
often
backhoe
spud bar
but a pole is a stick
not the miracle of
life
and we were but
simple men
I like the weave
of your words in
this...My woman
loves flowers
and I admit
but dont tell
anyone but
I like them
too
A fantastic
short that
works for
spring!
the title threw
me off a bit
I snorted a few
times but curiousity
got the best of me
and we all comment
eventually on eachs
works here
Hi Esker
Thank you for your time, read and comment. Good to know you liked it. wo9uld you like to suggest another title for this?
Nice of you to share your experience about winter...my son and daughter in law too live in Sudbury, Ontario where the winters are pretty rough..but they enjoy it....
Regards,
Title is fine!
Soft warm things I have old issues..
petals and thorns I know well
Mothers day close and all...
Sudbury....just seventy miles from us
they had a cold winter..many water lines
froze...shes built on rock..the ancient
nest of the great gold nickle copper
meteroite
I found it to be long..the duration of our
cold past few years exceptional
usually we get respites in between
Northerns per say are out there skiing
walking trails in all weather!
Many say it relieves anxiety stress
time away to think..nature..