Brevity and Essence
of conveyance
makes modern poetry
A poem
shot out like an arrow
to shoot the moon
as did the ancients
well just imagine
what will modern humans
use
to bring down the sun
You are very lucky today
at least one
could pass your way
be enlightened
SMILE
surely you may
as along the pathway
you sway
Comments
Thank you
for this poem.
I'm crazy about the second, middle stanza. That is so power packed with a poetic truth that cannot be expressed in words accurately. Exactly what Aristotle said in poetics about the meaning of metaphor and images. and it reads like butter.
Although the third stanza is a bit unconnected to the others, it works it the abstract. That one could be anyone to the lucky one- a friend, a child, a pen-pal..so it works.
The first stanza...
I don't think you need it. It is making a statement with two very loaded ideas (words with a lot of baggage) Essence, Brevity...First I'm not sure we are writing all that brief lately, If you filp through standard English poetry anthologies (1600- 2000) you won't find that much difference in the average length of poems. about a page. sonnets were brief. There are fewer "long" poems written today, the audience is small...but Ginsberg is still "modern", as is Neruda or Robinson Jeffers who wrote 50 page poems (they are great!!) As for essence..not sure what you exactly mean.. but that has to be explained in the poem or in your Ars Poetica. But looking at the poem without that stanza...it is a done deal, in my opinion.
Keep Smiling!
My Dear Eumol
your scanning is so wonderful
I take time to read it many times
and
also wonder out of thousands you teach
you help me in coming out to reach
so the Smile
I guarantee
I must have read some poem and converted my comment into a poem
hence the ''essence of a meaningful life''
lies in SMILES mainly
'''LAUGH AND THE WORLD LAUGHS WITH YOU
weep and you weep alone..'''.. kind you know for smiles
Shall revert It's so wonderful to digest your knowledge of Aristotle
and what a comparison with loved makes one giggle
soft as butter
sweet as sugar
honey maybe for some
Thanks and Regards...Eumolpus ( plus)