Small

welcome to neopoet, "land of the freed poets"

I love the loss of the intimacy between to souls. I also like the structure of your poemsmooth and easy to read this is well done.
I like this stanza for me it's the tell all of the piece;
"it is there in
a heart beat
a breath
a sigh"

Again welcome can't wait to read your next write
Eddie C."

I hear the voice as I listen to soft breathing and teenage mumbles through dreams. I hope that I have given her enough tools to make the right choices as she moves toward adulthood. All that is left to offer are the warm arms of mother when she needs.

Your verse is is quietly written and titled "small" for the feelings we feel as our need becomes less to them. We have gone from being their entire world to hold a much smaller space for them - and it is as it should be.

These lines:

"can
I define
a universe
a tangent gift"

... we may never truly know an answer.

Beautiful poetry. Well formed with short tight lines to accentuate your title. Each emotion, place in life, wish for, is carefully placed. I think your line breaks are perfect as well. Gave the right amount of pause in all the right places. Really quite well done. ~Pamela

It's nice to see another friend on here and I am sure you will like it, it's a place to grow and explore our poetry without drama...that's a good thing. I already loved this piece of yours but look forward to reading some new ones and I promise I won't crit you hard cos you're a real friend of mine lol...you know it's my fault you write, I kicked your muse in the ass and she is kicking you back on my behalf lol *hugs*

This is a nice poem. I loved the way you wrote about a child. It is nicely written. I can almost feel the feeling of the child. I was one once upon a time, ha ha. Keep on writing your nice poems. i am sure you have more up your sleeve. Read you later.

Cheers,

Pixee

and you also asked for constructive feedback.
I'm not sure I get the full intent of the poem.

Forgiveness for what in the final stanza? Do I not comprehend because I am not a mother?

Also the stanza-
what
would I give
the whole
of you
doesn't make sense to me. You give the whole of the child?
Hard to be constructive in suggestion because I'm not sure if my failure in comprehension is my own or in your construction.

Oh and welcome! It's always great to see another Aussie here, especially one well informed by Bukowski. Intriguing nickname!

... now that I have balanced it on the screen where my eye can take in the whole of the poem at once. There is something startling about the abstract concreteness of a free-form poem with lines of between one and four words. I think this aspect of poetry - what I call its 'abstract concreteness' or 'incidental concreteness' - is very significant. Here yours works like a finger tracing the path of a raindrop or condensation on a window, or a tear on a cheek. I like.