Geezer
Geezer
Apr 01, 2011

Sleepless in Schenectady...

Late night, weird radio-shows
Talk about God, ghosts and UFO's
She spoke to aliens, what did they say?
Ya think they're coming back someday?

Talk about secret you-know-what's
Crop-circles, Bigfoot and Commie plots
The parade of fools goes on and on
There's the face of Jesus on a won-ton

Mysterious men dressed in black suits
Little green men, they're so cute
The city of Atlantis, he knows just where
Told to him by a sage with white hair

He came to him in a dream last night
He told the man he had second-sight
Another caller has been to Middle-Earth
I can hardly contain my mirth

So bring on the monsters and the ghosties galore
The hauntings and sightings and so much more
Mysteries revealed to a chosen few
Under the sun, there must be something new

I listen to all this nonsense and drivel
Tell me they're crazy, I won't quibble
But it's still entertainment, when I can't sleep
And it's so much better than counting sheep!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: There, I think I got most of them. If I missed any errant commas, please let me know. ~ Geezer

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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More from this author

Comments

Geezer

that would be something new, under the sun! LOL. Thanks Shirley. Love ya, ~ Gee

P

lol! this is a fun read :) i don't get to read rhymes that much so i don't have any legit critiques to give. i did notice that the last two stanzas have longer lines than the others..and the syllable count there did break the flow a bit..but i'm not picky since you're not writing a form.

lou

lou

14 years ago

Gee ,

i like the title, in fact i love the whole poem.

Come chat on MSN, i miss ya .

Love Lou (Grasshopper)

Geezer

that I could entertain you. i miss you too, will see you soon.~ Love from Yoda, ~ Gee

Geezer

that I could get you to go from scanning it, to actually reading and enjoying it! That is my goal, to have people reading and enjoying my work. Thanks for the read, and comment! ~ Gee

Geezer

that so that I could see and hear that song. I liked it, and yes, it does remind me of my poem. Glad you liked my poem, and good to see you back. I haven't seen much of your recent work. I have been working more than I want to, but as soon as I catch up with everything, I will defintely read as much of your works as I can.
~ Gee

Geezer

the following site. Nightwatch@CoasttoCoastam.com it covers everything! The only way that I can count sheep, is to imagine the wolf chasing them, with bloody slobbering jaws! Heh,heh,heh. Thanks, ~ Gee

violet

violet

13 years 9 months ago

Hi there :) I adore the comedic elements of this piece, i am not usually a fan of Rhyme but in this case, i had fun reading. Thank you for that. There are just a few minor quibbles that i feel would make a huge difference:

Late night, weird, radio-shows < The comma after weird. Was it intentional? I am a little confused by it and would love to know if you put it there in order to separate or if it is supposed to read as
''Late night, weird radio-shows'' ?
Talk about God, ghosts and UFO's
She spoke to aliens(;) what did they say? in the brackets, probably just down to preference but would a comma here maybe sit better?
Ya think, they're coming back someday? Ya* i find this to be amusing, i like it though i am a stickler for good grammar (again, down to preference)

Talk about secret you-know-(whats) < ''what's''
Crop-circles, Bigfoot, and Commie plots < there is no need for a comma after Bigfoot as 'and' comes next
The parade of fools, goes on and on < again, no comma needed after fools
There's the face of Jesus, on a won-ton < another comma

Mysterious men, dressed in black suits
Little green men, they're so cute
The city of Atlantis, he knows just where
Told to him, by a sage with white hair < comma probably not needed here either

He came to him, in a dream last night < and again
He told the man, he had second-sight< i am beginning to think you like commas ;)
Another caller has been to Middle-Earth
I can hardly contain my mirth

So bring on the monsters, and the ghosties galore < comma after 'monsters' should be removed also
The hauntings and sightings, and so much more < **same here
Mysteries, revealed to a chosen few< and here
Under the sun, there must be something new< and again

I listen to all this nonsense and drivel
Tell me they're crazy, I won't quibble
But, it's still entertainment, when I can't sleep< not needed after 'but'
And it's so much better than counting sheep!

I hope this was helpful and i do hope you know that i only mean to offer advice/critique in a constructive way.
I enjoyed this piece and believe that once those little hitches are fixed, it will be perfect ;)

Geezer

caught your interest. I made some adjustments. Thanks for the read and commas, [I mean comments!] LOL ~ Geezer

violet

Much easier on the eyes.

This can be read smoothly now and the commas do not interrupt the fun/easy flow of the piece.
Well paced and structured in my opinion.

Enjoyable indeed!

Geezer

Geezer

13 years 9 months ago

I am a big fan of rhyme. I guess that is because I love having a real cadance and rhythm. Thank you for the constructive criticism. It helped a lot! ~ Gee

violet

violet

13 years 8 months ago

Had to come back to this..

And again, i smile!

Thank you :)

...

Roscoe Lane

I agree, this is very good and very funny. Regards Roscoe...

Geezer

Geezer

13 years 8 months ago

Actually, I'm not sure that it is irritation. Something akin to it I suppose. LOL
I do love to think about what makes people tick. It was a fun write. ~ Gee

Geezer

Geezer

13 years 8 months ago

This is something that kinda just sprang out one sleepless night. After working night-shift for over thirty years, it is very difficult to sleep at night. I sleep for about an hour and a half, then wake up, stay awake for about a half hour, then sleep for another 1 1/2, etc. i listen to late-night radio, mostly classical music and the Coast to Coast radio show. It makes for some interesting listening, even if weird. ~ Gee

Eduardo Cruz

You're a funny Savanah Beach, this was great. you pulled it off so well, talk about something so well metered,
Good stuff Gee
LMFAO!
Eddie

Geezer

As I've said; I love rhyme and meter. I am so pleased that this was well recieved, because I felt that the meter was very good. Of course having a subject that is fun and personal helped. Glad to make you laugh, and I hope that if you are sleepless some night, that you will listen to my favorite late-night show, Coast to Coast. I think it is only on AM radio, but I'm sure that you will find a station close enough to make it easy listening. ~ Gee

Xavier Sleuth

Can't read this without feeling that beat.
Great rhyming/metering . . .
Line: "And it's so much better than counting sheep!"
Aren't most things?

Thx for sharing.

Geezer

Yeah, I love the kind of fast paced meter, that makes one think of a rap. ~ Geez.
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