sightless wondering

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Sightless Wondering

Poem text:
We sat on fallow ground
while all around us poppies grew,
night turned her glorious head
and as twinkling stars blinked
innocence rained, and was lost

when the petals started to bloom
our hearts were hardened stone,
even then, we again raised eyes heavenward
waiting for small miracles to materialise
that astonished the mind, body and soul.

but there are no mysteries in this
barren feckless, brown-eyed land
there is only suffering pain and loss
each and every day prayed was wasted
with skinned knees and calloused hands

hope was a dream in a southern land
that spread its tendrils past glory,
bursting the veins that bore a wish
carrying a promise that we would
meet again and hold each other

I know now, we will never meet again
my heart is full of headstones
my head is full of shadow
as I no longer hear your breath
I no longer daydream, all is silent

I only asked for a whisper
but all I hear is the void
echoing back my pleas, they're
taunting and poking at eyes
that were blinded by grief

---

Feedback:

1. Imagery: The poem effectively uses imagery to convey emotions and set the scene. The poppies, twinkling stars, and hardened hearts create vivid pictures in the reader's mind. To further enhance the imagery, consider adding more sensory details, such as sounds or smells, to immerse the reader in the poem's world.

2. Structure: The poem is divided into six stanzas with five lines each, which creates a consistent structure. However, the poem lacks a consistent meter or rhyme scheme. If the intention is to create a more formal structure, consider revising the poem to include a consistent meter or rhyme scheme. If the intention is to maintain a free verse style, the current structure works well.

3. Theme: The theme of loss, grief, and the search for hope is evident throughout the poem. The imagery and language used effectively convey these emotions. To further develop the theme, consider exploring the speaker's journey through grief and how their perspective changes over time.

4. Diction: The poem uses a mix of simple and complex language, which adds depth to the piece. However, some phrases, such as "barren feckless, brown-eyed land," may be difficult for readers to understand. Consider revising these phrases to ensure clarity and maintain the poem's overall tone.

5. Punctuation: The poem uses punctuation sparingly, which can create ambiguity in some lines. Consider adding punctuation where needed to clarify the intended meaning and improve the poem's readability.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of loss and grief through vivid imagery and emotional language. By addressing the suggested areas for improvement, the poem can become even more engaging and impactful for readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Powerful and poignant piece!
Just staggering, bravo!!

Obi.

I'm back thanks for your encouragement, this is the hoarse voice of grief in word. Tremendous write. Talk soon.

(Hugs)

P.s. I emailed the poem we spoke of can you have a look when you get time. Ty

once again you have touched gently on the secret part of my heart with this gorgeous piece.

my favorite lines are:

I know now, we will never meet again
my heart is full of headstones
my head is full of shadow
as I no longer hear your breath
I no longer daydream, all is silent

it is like you know things that others do not...

*love, Sis Cat