There once was a man named Perkey,
He spent his life eating just turkey.
he got his sharpened knife,
and slaughtered his careless wife.
Now, he's sick of eating jerky.
Nov 01, 2022
This poem is part of the challenge:
November 2022 Random Challenge Sick Of Turkey Winner
Sick of Turkey
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Not that I expect to win the contest but thought that the title is perfect for writing a Limerick.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Sick of Turkey
Hi, Rula,
Yes, it's the perfect topic for a limerick, and yours is spot-on! You might want to tighten it up a bit, if I may, for example:
There once was a man named Perkey
Spent his life eating just turkey
along with eliminating a few words and tightening up in the other lines, as well. Also, does "poorish" fit the description of his wife? Seems there is a bit more to her - maybe she's stubborn, or lacking culinary skills, or simply doesn't care?
An enjoyable limerick, and being vegan, I'm sure many turkeys thank you for this one!
L
Thank you
dear lavender for the comment and for helping with this one. I'll edit as suggested. Limericks were never easy and a bit challenging on both levels, meter and sense of humor.
Always great to get the help from the masters. Really appreciate it.
Any better?
would be happy to know if this gave anyone a chuckle or even a smile
Reading this again,
yes! Much better! It gave me a big smile first, and then a hearty chuckle. Delightful limerick, perfect for the topic of turkey-lurkeys. (And unhappy husbands...)
Thank you!
L
Thank you so much dear
for giving the time to polish this one.
Í'm now quiet satisfied that it gives a beautiful friend like our dear lavender a chuckle.
Thank you.
Good luck
with the challenge! :)
L
Love it
This surely brought a smile to my face. What a great take on the challenge topic!