In the evening we walk backwards
To nowhere in particular
Collecting shoe stories.
Avenues and alleys blind
Old haunts that no one wants
They remain like a stalker.
Shoes of patent leather pounded
Pavements blister bloody red
Small rocks our shoes collected.
Full of painful pebbles
Tripping and stumbling,
Treading and re-treading.
Regretful and remembering,
Walk right back to the beginning.
Walking backwards all evening
Collecting the Shoe stories.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Shoe Stories" possesses a strong narrative voice and utilizes a unique metaphorical concept - the idea of 'shoe stories.' This concept is intriguing as it suggests that experiences, memories, and histories can be embedded in everyday objects such as shoes.
However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. The phrase "To nowhere in particular" in the second line seems to lack the specificity that could make the reader's journey through the poem more engaging. Perhaps a more concrete destination or purpose could be introduced here to provide a clearer direction for the narrative.
The line "They remain like a stalker" could also be made more effective. The comparison of 'old haunts' to a 'stalker' is a strong one, but the connection between these two elements is not fully developed. Expanding on this metaphor could enhance the emotional impact of the poem.
The repetition of "Walking backwards all evening" at the end of the poem is a good way to bring the narrative full circle. However, the phrase "Collecting the Shoe stories" could be revised for more impact. The capitalization of 'Shoe' is inconsistent with its usage earlier in the poem, and the definite article 'the' may not be necessary.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Many lines start with the same structure, "Shoes of...", "Tripping and...", "Treading and...", which can make the poem feel repetitive. Experimenting with different sentence structures could add more dynamism to the poem.
Overall, the poem has a strong concept and narrative voice, but could benefit from more specificity, development of metaphors, consistency in capitalization, and varied sentence structures.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Dear Sen99
A very clever write. I enjoyed the entirety of it. Good tittle, and the rest just rolls right along!
*hugs, Cat
Thank You Cat
Your comments are always valuable, glad you enjoyed it.
Shoe Stories
Hello, Sen,
I picture an image of all of us studying our shoes at the end of the day, thinking over all the places we walked, the choices we made, the outcome of what the day brought to us. Revisiting our actions. It's not so much in the shoes, as it is who we are while moving about in the world.
Thank you!
L
Many Thanks Lavender
for your critique and reading, you extracted a new meaning from this poem, personalize a pair of shoes and it shows people and how they walked through life.