During the month when leaves unfurl
and dogwoods bloom in purest white
come the storms with tails which curl
sweeping away all within their flight
I've had a brush with one before
and still recall to this late day
the silence then the freight train roar
when once a small one came my way
It had been a spring day of thunder
where ragged clouds filled southern sky
leaving my new bride and me to wonder
when the storms would finally pass us by
Early to bed, then fun, then sleep
while rain drummed the roof in steady beat
awakened by silence, no sound, no peep
a single dog bark like an entreat
Then came that sudden deep-throated roar
both awake and holding to each other
while our home shakes our bed across the floor
as lurches come one after another
Then gone..as quick as it came
and I hit the floor to kill the power
our home now sporting a twisted frame
outside I ran in fading shower
The ancient cedar once so high
twisted off, thrown to the ground
as if a great hand had passed by
tossing all within its path around
My new-built shop still in one piece
just moved fifty yards whence it once sat
the sky now clear and all's at peace
all to be said? "I guess that's that>"
Comments
This is so good the rhythm is
This is so good the rhythm is great until stanza six, maybe try it this way:
The ancient cedar once so high
twisted off and thrown aside
as if a great hand had passed
Making it all look awry
I'm not that good at rhyming, so I'm sure you can do better.
Eddie C.
Hi Eddie
Thank you for spotting the rhythm snafu. This poem has an abab rhyme scheme so I can't use your suggestion but have changed that stanza with your suggestion in mind. Thanks for the visit and please keep ideas coming..........stan
Dear Stan
a lovely snap shot of the happenings..a smooth flow with cadence..perhaps you may take a relook at the last stanza..
My new-built shop still in one piece
just moved fifty yards whence it once sat
the sky now clear and all's at peace
all to be said? "I guess that's that>"
i think "stood" would be a better choice instead of "sat"...but then you would also need to change the last line to maintain the rhyme..just a small suggestion...
i am sure your new bride then must have said "what a night"...hehehe...
hi raj
you know most of my stuff remains works in progress. I am not quite happy with last stanza either. I appreciate your suggestion and will try to fit at least the spirit of it into the next edit. As to my new bride Susan, I don't think she expected her world to get "rocked" quite that way that night lol.............stan