There illustrates music that depicts an openly active heart,
the notes are grey,
the tones are significant,
the words are bodied.
Yet the jazz musician could kill himself.
In every grey note he sees black.
In every significant tone is a burble.
If only moonless quandaries exempted darkest days?
Lift!
A smile could be liable.
Comments
BLOKE
Jazz like blues come from a place of suffering and redemption, and you have touched on it nicely.
"Welcome to Neopoet land of the freed poets"
Eddie C.
thank you
Thank you to all that commented on the poem.
Welcome back mate, great to see you again.
I can't comment on this because a woman once left me for a jazz musician so they can all go and get fucked (jazz musicians, not women).
But seriously, as much as I read and re-read this I can't fathom that first line. What did you mean to say, in plain english?
The rest is really good, especially the last 2 lines, but I suspect it is all a ploy to seduce women with the angst ridden musician act.
elf
The first line was an attempt to delve into the mind of one watching a jazz musician, or one who has done so. I was attempting to place the reader into a certain situation without mentioning that particular situation. An appeal to the familiar for some.
Hello Bloke,
Good poem, this. I agree with Jess, the beginning is unclear.
As a suggestion:
Jazz smooths through an openly active heart,
notes grey,
tones significant,
words becoming music, embodied.
Something like that?