Geezer
Geezer
Oct 06, 2011

Saturday Night...

Shadows move in closer, and I cannot see
Blindfolded by fear of the unknown
Ice-water thoughts of horror, sunami behind my eyes

Hair standing on end, and cold gooseflesh
Thumping heart loud in my ears
Shaking hands, trembling legs that refuse to stand

I fall from bravery to limp coward
Terrorized beads of sweat drip from my chin
Throat constricted, my voice scared and hoarse

Bolting away from reality, my mind races
Chill wind caresses my soul like a love slave
A prisoner of phantoms

Chained to images half formed
I move too slowly
Shocked to incompetence

Brainwaves short out, and I reach overload
No way to turn off the view
Damn, where's the remote?

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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More from this author

Comments

judyanne

seemed to be dark... good ending ... made me smile
- wish we had a remote for life...
but probably a good thing we don't - i'd probably live in the past forever
and never get my life finished :)

one line pulled me up
'Throat constricted and my voice a scared hoarse'
- the syntax seems too reversed for me
can i suggest
'Throat constricted, my voice hoarse and scared' ??

love judy

Geezer

Geezer

13 years 6 months ago

along with a few others, has a play on words connected to it. If you notice, I tried to have the last line in each stanza relate to the first line in the next. Admittedly, I may have stretched them a little too far, but that was the intent. Do you see them now? I think it would probably work the way you suggest, but I thought that by saying it that way, It would be a little more obvious. "Horse-hoarse"
So nice to see you here again, I have missed you. Thanks for the read and the comments, ~ Gee