The Runaway

The streets are silent as I walk
Listening to the midnight talk
My sneakers fall on broken glass
Scattered shards, just like my past

In their houses, they sleep unknowing
Above the trees the light is growing
In the sky there is no moon
It will be daylight, pretty soon

Only darkness feels my pain
In the sun I can’t remain
No, in the daylight I can’t stay
Because I am
The Runaway

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Comments

A powerful and poignant poem

Just one little suggestion, the line
In the houses I pass, they sleep unknowing
is too long and spoils the flow.
perhaps
In their houses, they sleep unknowing

Welcome to Neopoet, this is an impressive first post, I look forward to more.

Thank you for your

Thank you for your encouraging comment. I always felt like that line was a little awkward and your suggestion was spot on.

Lovely, sad imagery...

felt like footsteps walking in the streets. Great to say hello - look forward to your next poem!

Why, thank you :) Love the

Why, thank you :) Love the encouragement.

Nice Work!

I like the way i was able to walk along with you, and then runaway from my own pain.

I do agree with Jess about the one line being a little long. May I also suggest a comma in the line

it will be daylight, pretty soon

it will give the same pause as the last line of stanza one and the break in the last two lines of stanza three.

Thanks for the advice. I didn

Thanks for the advice. I didn't even notice and it does make a difference. Nice observation.

I was all prepared to dislike

I was all prepared to dislike a rhyming poem. I didn't you did your *runaway* proud. Great meter, rhythm and unforced rhyme. Important topic for any poem.

Thanks. Your comment means a

Thanks. Your comment means a lot. I'm glad you gave it a chance.

As Jess , Welcome to Neopoet sorry about the late comment, I have read two of yours will read the third in a moment.. Both are good..
Here you will find poets that will walk with you, you seem to be alone in your writes, well if you are here, you will not be alone again, all you have to do is keep writing as you have, and join in commenting on others works, also joining in the workshops that are on going.
Take care out there, Yours Ian.T