I look to the west,
nature dressed in it's best,
setting sun, day not done,
as Millcreek rambles on,
still water, glass mirror,
so clear, it couldn't get clearer,
wind gusts, ripples thrust,
ripples ripple, water jiggles,
the clearness stills away,
your life reflection in dissection,
seeking purpose and direction,
from obscure disparity,
to joyful clarity,
a new day, a new look view,
hard days soon to be few,
so as the ripples become still,
a new reflection, a new future to fill.
Mar 02, 2018
Ripples
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A piece from my first self published chapbook "The White Chair". To see canvas painted for this piece go to Instagram and search for trekkerdekker. It is one of seventeen pieces of my artwork and one of fourteen poems in this book. contact trekkerdekker@gmail.com if interested in purchase.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
I thought...
this was a very interesting work. I liked the title and it seemed clear all the way through. Of course being a rhymer, I enjoyed the rhyme a lot. ~ Geezer.
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for me
all worked but the last line which has too many syllables (11) the most in the poem, so makes the finish a bit off.
Otherwise, I get your drift, nice poem
Trekker
to me in this poem rhyme is secondary to a good free verse...it carried me through and through without road blocks...like a well oiled machine...i guess rhyme serves the purpose of oil...a pleasure read...
....
Trekker
Great write, "Reflected, a new future to fill." would shorten the last line, but will leave that up to your pen,
Yours Ian..