Mr. president
It is two thousand twenty-four,
It has become evident,
America needs unity once more.
The republic is at stake,
Adams, Jefferson, and Franklin
Are in agreement,
We go to war at daybreak.
Democracy has been stained.
By the media meant to inform
That would rather leave us
divided and out brained.
Now it is families.
With different views
At war with each other
Based on the channel
One is so called truth
The other is fake news
President Washington
Our union awaits
To restore
These united states
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Renewed Republic" presents a compelling narrative about the current state of the American political landscape. The use of historical figures such as Adams, Jefferson, Franklin, and Washington effectively underscores the gravity of the situation and the need for unity.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The first two stanzas follow an ABAB rhyme scheme, but this pattern is not maintained throughout the rest of the poem. Consistency in rhyme and rhythm can enhance the flow of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.
In terms of content, the poem could also be more specific in its critique. The lines "Democracy has been stained. / By the media meant to inform / That would rather leave us / divided and out brained." suggest a critique of media bias, but this idea could be developed further. For example, the poem could provide specific examples of how the media contributes to division, or it could explore the consequences of this division in more detail.
Lastly, the poem ends with a call to action, "President Washington / Our union awaits / To restore / These united states." This is a strong ending, but it could be even more powerful if the poem made it clearer what actions need to be taken to restore unity. This could be achieved by incorporating more specific imagery or by using more concrete language.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates a sense of urgency and a desire for unity. With some adjustments to the rhythm, rhyme scheme, and content, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Apostolos, Paul
Thanks for the heads up, it's a long time coming. The media has trruly turned the family against itself. Our leaders lie, as if
in a drunken stupor. Their decisions are based on wealth and greed, popularity, power and immorality. The coming surge of blackness is upon us as we sleep. Comfortably numb due to denial and opulence.
Now...
I think that you have laid bare the truth, for those who are near-sighted,
those that are for the quick buck, and those who double-down.
Nice work let's see more. ~ Geez.
.
Dear Paul,
your poem is very clear, to me. We are in big trouble, as a nation divided. We need strong leaders in power to light the way out of this twisted mess. My favorite lines are:
Mr. president
It is two thousand twenty-four,
It has become evident,
America needs unity once more.
I like it because it is a clear and powerful declaration. it says that you have thought through the subject!
*hugs, Cat
I fear that, America.
I fear that, America. Democracy in general, is hobbled and skewed by technology.
In my eyes Nixon was a fu87kin angel compared to your options today.
Good incisive piece, Paul.
Obi.
thanks Leslie, gee, obi, cat
thanks for stopping by
Renewed Republic
Hello, Paul,
"We go to war at daybreak." Fantastic line and so sadly true. Unfortunately many Americans have an addiction to hear what they want to hear and listen to the news source that feeds them what they want.
Thank you,
L
Hello Paul,
Hello Paul,
Your poem hit the very core of what we are now experiencing. I have so many friends that identify with the far right and the far left, that I am left being the lone man in my world screaming for reason. It has caused division between family and friends, some of which I don't believe will ever be repaired.
Thank you for the poem, and I hope your voice, when read by others, can in someway expand the dialogue. - Will
Thank you
Lavender and William for stopping by. Very valid points about today's way of things
Hello Paul
I agree that we are being divided by media. I'm unsure what the solution is......maybe requiring TV reporters to be licensed? That way the more radical ones can be removed. Stay warm up yonder
Thank you
Stan for stopping by
perhaps a good start would be to stop lawfare against political
opponents