loved
loved
Jun 01, 2012

raw

Some fruits eaten raw are better than fresh
your poetry is like raw mangoes
sweeter than sweet,
hard but finally soft
the breeze takes my heart away
every time I go to the sea,
I always feel so happy
with my spouse and me
at times,
I love to see other folks in bikinis
then my eyes open,
when they all smile at me
my torso is beyond imagination
round and round
some in my looks wish
I’d happiness have found
the breeze and the beach
are my signs of love
and
all else is useless
except all poetry above

As per experts edit ....Do read this......

Some fruits eaten raw are better than fresh
your poetry is like raw mangoes
sweeter than sweet

the breeze takes my heart away
every time I go to the sea
I always feel so happy
with my spouse
at times
I love to see other folks in bikinis
then my eyes open
when they all smile at me
my torso is beyond imagination
round and round…

the breeze and the beach
are my signs of love
and
all else is useless
except
poetry

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

More from this author

Comments

judyanne

this is my cull, imho only i stress, and i don't want you to think you should use it.
but i do want you to look at it, compare it to yours, and try to see why i say you waffle :)

Some fruits eaten raw are better than fresh
your poetry is like raw mangoes
sweeter than sweet

the breeze takes my heart away
every time I go to the sea
I always feel so happy
with my spouse
at times
I love to see other folks in bikinis
then my eyes open
when they all smile at me
my torso is beyond imagination
round and round…

the breeze and the beach
are my signs of love
and
all else is useless
except
poetry

love and biggest hugs
judy
xxx

loved

hence my waffle
comes to life
with your brush
and
I accept .
this one as yours ,
maybe half combined .
thanks
Judy

when a mind thinks
it just spews ,
then the doctor computer
comes to play
and
that becomes the actual
should have been
foreplay ,
oh my what did I say!

judyanne

it is your write - i just edited it

but i'm just trying to say that before you submit your writes you should leave them for a while and then go back and cull them yourself ... you have a unique voice that i love - when you are succinct :)
xxx