Feb 15, 2012

Radius

I see my dream in plain view
I only watch
We have our arms
We will not raise them
No one is dreaming any further
The light has stopped flickering beside me
It must mean the thoughts have ceased
No one will reach for the dream.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Country/Region: California

Comments

ideas are good,

but lacks poetic qualities. A list of lines. Try some an enjambment and for more musicality of language. Assonance, consonance, even rhyme.

Thanks

Thanks for the tips. Did you ever figure out what N.A.Y.A stands for?

No, and I didn't even try hard.

Tricks are for kids.