raj
Jun 01, 2018

Predicament [Sunku]

I trace
road map of
future to be

don't see
corner stores
to replenish

what if
my pen starves
of its essence?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

6 years 11 months ago

is the ink you are afraid of running out of, or the inspiration that comes from you to the pen?
Your title is OK, the theme is good and I like it! Just that one niggling question.~ Geezer.
.

R

Thanks for the read. Good to know that it led to a niggling question about the predicament....i would say it is not just pen and inspiration but say "resources" and not just that but there is something beyond about what then shall happen?
................................................................................................

lovedly

when eyes are blinking
The i
could be better in CAPS only
shall add beauty to poetry here
your Sunku

Rula

Rula

6 years 10 months ago

as I haven't practiced this form and I don't think I am good enough to read between the lines dear raj. The only thing that I can say is that I feel like you've sacrificed the definite article (the) for the sake of the supposed to be the right syllable count in the first two stanzas.
Just what I think. Maybe I am not getting it right?

R

where you feel "the" should have been?
..................................................................................

Rula

Rula

6 years 10 months ago

I trace
(the) road map of
(the)future to be

don't see
(the) corner stores
to replenish

Don't listen to me though. Feel free to ignore the whole thing or listen to what others might say.

R

Thanks MarkL for your visit and comment. It is true that particularly in such a short form some nitty gritties of English need to be sacrificed...it is actually more than just running out of resources...question is why?

you may also try to write a Sunku..it is interesting as well as challenging..
.................................................

Seren

Seren

6 years 10 months ago

I get it can work either way,
or you can take it one step further
finding the place for the words

Loved it

Love always J xxx

R

good of you to see you visit this and know you liked it...when you find some relaxed moments do read "Aesthetics of Sunku" which will enable you connect better with this new poetry form..

much love and warm hugs...
.................................................................