His quill and ink are meant to heal and save.
His hearty words to fill the void and gaps.
His soul and mind have lived along to rave
the manly pride and noble manners' lapse.
His secret love, a poem's sound, a guide
that tightly held the dreams that long have dwelt
into the humans' forts of time-inside
when time attacked and botched what they once built.
He burnt his ribs to greyish ash then paved
to save a heart, a candle lit the dark.
No breeze or snow has cooled his heat that ached
the hero's pains, the blues that scar and mark.
Long live the poet's words that versed to please.
Long live those words so love would never cease.
Comments
Elegant
Isn't that a nice word?
Elegant write, excellent meter for the most part, nothing that bothers me much.
But does it have to be in the masculine? You, a female poet wrote this.
Perhaps I am missing the subtlety that woman's writing has more gestalt. They don't have to
burnt their ribs to greyish ash then paved
to save a heart, a candle lit the dark.
Is that the point?
Jess, thank you
Yes , Elegant IS a nice word and coming from your side it becomes even nicer so thank you .
thanks too for reading and though I am not fully getting your point about the Musculine, feminine thing , yet I supposed that it works for both, doesn't it?
Thanks again.
Just as an experiment
quill and ink are meant to heal and save.
hearty words to fill the void and gaps.
soul and mind have lived along to rave
the human pride and noble manners' lapse.
secret love, a poem's sound, a guide
that tightly held the dreams that long have dwelt
into the humans' forts of time-inside
when time attacked and botched what they once built.
The poet's ribs are burnt to greyish ash then paved
to save a heart, a candle lit the dark.
No breeze or snow has cooled the heat that ached
the hero's pains, the blues that scar and mark.
Long live the poet's words that versed to please.
Long live those words so love would never cease.
Does this version lose something you wanted to say?
Got your point sir
it only affects the form of the sonnet ((( a bit))) then I am afraid it won't pass the test ((smiles)))
many thanks . I shall sure consider this next time.