brittle light
brittle light
Dec 13, 2014

Plea To A Tormenting Sky

drape your cold around my shoulders
squint my eyes, daring dark
pound your thunder into my moan
brazen my heart with lightning bolts

temper me mean
stoic, and hard

aloof from this
quiet desperation

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

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Comments

S

For some reason this reminds me of that painting "scream" in its raw intensity. I think the word "mean" might not be exactly what you are trying to convey... hmmmm.....maybe cold?..........stan

brittle light

I know the painting of which you are referring...Edvard Munch, if I recall...I should google before I type! I like, and appreciate the (comparison?).

I know the word "mean" has such a singular meaning to most people these days.
I know they will read it with that definition...but, what might be considered as an obsolete meaning is what I intended...still, now that I think more about it, , that obsolete meaning doesn't
work well either...better un-remove my thinking cap! There are only a few million other words to consider as a replacement.

thanks for your advice

judyanne

all i can say is WOW

i love this – very powerful

i like the word ‘mean’...-i think that in the context of the write the archaic meaning is understood.- i believe the reader understands this... but if you’re looking for other words, i have some suggestions - balanced, equitable, just, unbiased, honest... but (lol) i still like ‘mean’...

great write
love judy
xxx

brittle light

thanks Judy

our astute Stan got me second guessing...not always a bad thing...but I am glad you showed up, now I can backtrack, and retract my semi-reluctant capitulation to his idea.

saved, once again by Ms Judyanne....sorry Stan,,, the lady prevails!

S

I Never intend any of my word change suggestions to be used verbatim. I throw them out to get ya'll to review if the word you use really conveys what you want to convey. Don't Ever capitulate just because an idea comes from me. After all, only the author knows exactly what he's trying to say while I merely stumble around guessing lol.....stan