weirdelf
weirdelf
May 26, 2012

pathetic

I wish I was a Catholic
in order to confess my sins
and remove my shameful deeds

or perhaps a Buddhist monk
this world's illusions torn away
and nothingness achieved

maybe many transmigrations
could teach a lesson or two
and drop me off the wheel

what a load of fucking crap.
I simply will not stand for that,
keep your lies and hidden truth
just fart about and make a mess
find some wisdom before death
no need for a handy booth
to emerge with sharpened tooth,
bright and resplendent,
freed of comforting delusions.

You can hide wherever you want
in a closet or a swamp,
stay there in the primal ooze.

I will think and be and choose.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Many thanks for all the great crit, it's almost a collaboration now. The poem has changed and grown significantly. It's not perfect, but that must be because I'm infected with original sin.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

judyanne

yea – I guess
it’s not that powerful though, not even with the pleasant ‘fart about’ surprise…
I dunno, it doesn’t say much about truth lol
never mind jess – it all goes away eventually…

'I wish I was a catholic' – do you need the ‘a’?
love judy
xxx

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 11 months ago

You have named the reasons for not, is the any excuse for, for, now I am not sure but if there is no after life, do you really think that I am going to be worried at that time lol.
You take care the Universal Energy doesn't Smote You,
Yours with universal love Ian.T

PS:- I think that this poem is too mild and made me smile instead of quake La La

weirdelf

in a fit of despair I deleted 'Catholic' and re-wrote the ending as this, so your critique was lost. But it was not lost. It made me make it better.

Esker

Esker

12 years 11 months ago

as this is the way of their ways
confession and repentance

I like your wheel and eastern reference
at the end of this work I like the
flow of the "Truth"
and "booth"

"emerge bright and resplendant
with sharpened tooth"

I dont know I just knew the shit of some
of the churchs two abuse situations
and the priests just got sent elsewhere
they do have power those places

sharpened tooth for me because people
just come out and keep re sinning anyway
and lets face it the catholic church has
more then a share of issues right now
that are no longer hidden

But I wanted that part of the poem to rymne

I will think and be and chose
I like that line
very powerful and personal
its like an Oath to be

a coat of arms

I have ORGAMI painted on my jacket
with aircraft My own "Colours"
Ataya wanted me to put that on my jacket
and I dont have a saying yet
to go with it but am working on it

I like this poem a nice length
length Pathos/ deception and reception

awesome
good Title too!

loved

loved

12 years 11 months ago

freestyle with stanzas having no consistency of lines
Is it Jess refine?

The hard core belief of the existence of unknown,
POWERS that Be
is beyond me
But all I do know and always profess
there is no life after this
I must confess.
Had there been no computer,
I'd be chary and scary to say
what I just did.

But religion is a must,
to keep distraught minds in a mode of collective bliss
and then poetic views arise as this.
The world is a place for damning conscience
and belief,
but only meditation and self evaluation,
is all in what I myself profess and believe.

But then let that be me.
Still reflexive unable to retrieve

judyanne

yes, I like the edit, it is a much stronger write now

‘I do not need a handy booth
to emerge bright and resplendent,
free of comforting illusions.’
- do you think ‘freed within comforting illusion’ more it?

also you have used the word ‘illusion’ in the Buddhist stanza as well as here – did you want the repeat?
love judy
xxx

weirdelf

and yes, I think delusions would be better.
Do you think
You can hide wherever you want
in a closet or a swamp,
rings a bit of Dr Suess?

judyanne

did you mean
'I do not need a handy booth
to emerge with sharpened,
freed of comforting delusions'
or
'I do not need a handy booth
to emerge sharper,
freed of comforting delusions'

however i did really like
'i do not need a handy booth
to emerge bright and resplendent,
freed within comforting delusion’

xxx

judyanne

it depends if you want the rhyme and the symbolism

i prefer the sound of
'what a load of fucking crap.
I simply will not stand for that,
keep your lies and hidden truth
I do not need a handy booth
to emerge
freed of comforting delusions.

- it breaks the rhyme and rhythm in an appropriate place..

however, the concept of 'with sharpened tooth' is a good one to include

your call
xxxx

S

By being late I've apparently missed the shot for easy suggestions lol. For some reason I want to see a few lines about how wasteful reincarnation is/would be without having memory of past lives. You also must have thrown "fucking" in just for the hell of it as imho it adds little to the poem.
But although I disagree with you about the total lack of worth in all religions, I still think this is a well written declaration of emancipation from religions which overly control their adherents' lives................stan OOPS! almost forgot to mention the way the limited structure added to the readability

weirdelf

it could only be replaced with another expletive, it serves a function for impact and structure and it's my favourite expletive, so fuck off (or read my blog "Expletives, wearing, oaths, profanity, vulgarity, cursing, obscenity and scatology" http://www.neopoet.com/weirdelf/blog/thu-2012-05-31-1126

I think the theory of transmigration in general covers that problem, something like you are born into a situation where you are likely to learn the life lessons you need.

'declaration of emancipation", I like that.

'the limited structure added to the readability', especially like that.
thanks

Ian.T

You are going to love this, I once spent about an hour talking about fuck being a word that has become part of an expressive word to display where any person reading a poem or line with that word in would really know what the shit was going on.
This discussion was with a Woman and it was thrashed to death lol..
This world is becoming crippled by goody goodies that want to ram PC down our throats so that we wouldn't even be allowed to Fart in public without being arrested.
I love the fucking Anglo Saxon Language so let them beware, Yours Ian.T , Sparrow and all that are me,Te, He, He....SO There

weirdelf

"Expletives, swearing, oaths, profanity, vulgarity, cursing, obscenity and scatology".

It's all about boundaries.

weirdelf

But I get your point.

I could perhaps change Catholic to Christian.

The idea of being forgiven for our sins comes from perhaps the most evil concept in Chrisitanity, the concept of original sin.

We are a product of human development and original sin makes everyone wrong and in need of religion. It is insidious and evil. We can drop the supernatural, religion and learn and make our own choices based on thought, education and study.

The major 'evil' in the world is corporations.

Don't you just cringe when people describe such things as 'greed' as human nature? Anthropologically completely false.

weirdelf

When I first used the word booth I was imagining Clark Kent diving into a phone booth to change into his Superman costume, rather than a confession booth. But it works nicely both way.

Although confessing your sins to god, with or without a confession booth, and asking for forgiveness is pretty much a Christian trait. Forgiveness guaranteed by the barbaric act of blood sacrifice. At least in the Old Testament days they just slit an animals throat. The New Testament sadists insist it required a man being tortured to death.

Ian.T

This write has reached its peak.
It is now as far as I can see bloody great.
To talk of those that will be smote etc: and all that sin etc: and who to blame???
That we can be bad all week and a man in a box can say you are forgiven go out and murder, corrupt and I'll see you next week to go over another lot of sin....
What a load of Crap to think that you can do this without fear of being responsible..
Thank you for this write it may shake a few words out of the odd poet lol.
Yours Ian.T

believe

Im a little confused,
is the point of it to say "you will sin" without respecting faith, or "religious accusers" ?
dont think the "f " word helped me much,

weirdelf

No religion, even the trendy cool Buddhism, helps make people better. Prohibition did not stop people drinking, but changes in societal attitudes to drunkness and information on its health hazards has certainly had an effect. All my nephews and nieces, though of different or no religion, regard smoking as just plain dumb. And most of their attitudes to ethics and morality are similarly un-affected by whatever religion or lack thereof they have. Except the poor little sods being brought up as Jehovahs Witnesses. They believe that fairies and sex are evil. Thank goodness none of my family went to Catholic schools!

Apart from certain well known personality flaws I know I behave a lot better than many religious people I know. That is because I am personally accountable for my actions. I even work on my flaws, not through prayer but by self-awareness and therapy.

Regarding 'fucking', see my blog "Expletives, wearing, oaths, profanity, vulgarity, cursing, obscenity and scatology" http://www.neopoet.com/weirdelf/blog/thu-2012-05-31-1126