I woke bleary
with bamboo towering over my head
I was too weary
to wonder if it would make the world dead.
I climbed out of the back of the van and spewed
last nights Bundie
then I viewed
the wonder of this world
even though in my horrid state
it was all swirled
around.
And lovely.
Comments
ta kal! I wouldn't want to be compared to Shelley
I'm too much of a ratbag and, as good as he is, he is a bit of a soppy wimp.
Yes, it was canibalised from another write
but presented in current form from a challenge by scribbler.
Jess, sometimes we need a
Jess, sometimes we need a *swirlie*. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=swirlie
c~A
I might not be big, but I'm tough
I've lived and worked in the roughest places in Australia. No-one has ever succeeded in giving me a swirlie or a wedgy.
Can you empathize with those
Can you empathize with those who have? Oops did I say that out loud?
My bad. Not lovely.
~A
LOL
I think it best we BOTH concentrate on our comfort zones lol. Told you this would be fun...........stan PS I still intend about 1 free verse per week
chuckles...this poem deserves
chuckles...this poem deserves a wedgie :P
Oh this is so contrived to be
Oh this is so contrived to be something that it shows,
like the bones showing on thin animals
its frame weakened.
Bamboo would make the world dead?
???? Ann
good. honest critique, Ann, thanks
the story I cannibalized to write this had the description
"I wouldn't say I woke up, more kind of un-passed out and crawled shakily from the back of Monty's panel van. And immediately panicked as the giant bamboos towering overhead threatened to topple the world and tip me off. "
I am totally blocked, creatively speaking, and have been for a while, so falling back on learned craft. In this case not so successfully.
Aah!
reminded me of my life as a roadie Jess! Enjoyed this very much!
Namaste,
Lenny
Lenny, perchance were you a
Lenny, perchance were you a roadie for damn, can't think of his name at the moment, but he is also a nondual teacher.
~A
wish I'd been a roadie
for Leonard Cohen!
Namaste,
Lenny
I read this 3 times and then
I read this 3 times and then read all the reviews. I can't help but see the morning after in here. And in my opinion, if you can see the worlds beauty after chucking up the night before's fun, then your soul is truly alive and kicking. Now, even if this was not about a binder of sorts, it was to me, so don't spear me!
Kim
(V)
This worked just fine for me,
This worked just fine for me, bare bones and all. I could feel it, maybe all to easily, having had similar "awakenings" I liked the attitude projected, kind of a hip minimal sense. I don't know why, but I have a feeling I like this piece a lot more than even you do.
Very refreshing...I might try some cannibalizing
This made me smile.
This made me smile.
Pastorals are so difficult to write and you've nailed it. (I tried a pastoral once and failed miserably:P)
The rhyme is nice and the last line made me laugh out loud.
Sorry for the lazy critique, it's late and I'm subconsciously worrying about exams.
thanks Michelle!
Even though I cannibalised I thought it worth bringing pastoral into the 21st C.
I am a powerful psychic, and an athiest, and am sending you powerful energy for your exams.
We only met in person once, but reading your poetry and comments I know you are a person of power.
Notice the repetition? Power, power,power, you've got it.