Geezer

May 26, 2018

Passing of The Night...

I play tag with black memories
Dark forces twist them so
Chasing the half told stories
Through haunted houses of lost souls

Screams of horror echo in the night
Tears squeeze from swollen eyes
Dark shadows creep just out of sight
I can’t see them, though I try

What manner of ghosts do roam?
How do they come alive?
Just tell them go, please go home
If you wish that I survive

Take them away, hold them back
I’ll do anything
Luther, Paddy and good old Jack
The bad, nasty dreams they bring

Tonight, I’ll drink unto their names
I remember every one
Drunk enough, I’ll play their games
Then tomorrow it is done

Another year I have lived more
Than the friends that I have lost
Soon, I’ll pass behind that door
What will the passage cost?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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Comments

Hi Geezer

Vividly touching is how I would describe my experience of walking with you through "passing of the Night"....

while we walk in the present the past follows us like a shadow
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Hi again Geezer

I'm wondering if "Silhouettes at Night" could also be an alternate title for your poem. Just sharing a thought no more than that...
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Could be...

I'll have to think on it. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geezer.
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I think this is a very strong poem

and I too am haunted by the death of friends, who die of things you're supposed to die from as you get old. It is a moving work with a great stance, one of pleading to the abstract for answers, in a great tone and language. The rhyming is done simply and masterly.

I would consider: I don't like the idea of tag, it's a fun thing children do and for, too playful in a serious poem...as an opener, it sets the wrong mood. I would even consider dropping the first stanza altogether, as the poem works great without it. But I really like "haunted houses of lost souls" I would make that the title.

The last line introduces a new concept outside the poem. One thinks of the island of the dead and paying passage. The idea of paying to get into the house...doesn't hit me. I would not offer any ideas here to end the poem, it's too personally from your gut. Or as I recently posted a poem, "with the blood"
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The Blood...

as you say and my gut; tells me that [tag] is still the way I want to go. We used to play the game with the added twist of "tag back". If you could tag the person back before they could get away, they would have to go on and "tag" someone else. I realize that there may not be many people that relate to this, but feel that it still leaves in one's mind, the proper image. The reply that I gave to Seren [Aussie sister], may give you some insight as to the thought behind those last lines and paying to pass the "Door". I do appreciate your thoughts and suggestions though and always consider them carefully. Thanks, ~ Gee.
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Dear Bro

Omg this is sadly brilliant. And that last stanza is really special. I felt a kinship with this poem. I have lost so many friends. I always say every day above ground is a good day. And that when it fails to be so ? I hope that they've saved me a place at the table.

Bro this is one of the best poems I've ever read from your pen.

*Applause*

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

Thank you...

my Aussie Sis. I have recently had a milestone birthday, [70] and was reflecting on the many of my friends that have passed from this mortal coil ahead of me. Some that have been gone since High School [Vietnam] a bunch that have gone as a result of misadventure with drugs and alcohol, car/motorcycle wrecks and plain ordinary shit like heart attacks and stuff. I also wonder if there is an afterlife and what happens when you go too? Do you pay the fee for the many times you feel you did the wrong thing? Is there anything to the idea of Karma? I used to feel that there was nothing after...
You are just gone. Maybe the idea that we are temporary and of little consequence to the world at large, has me hoping that there is... Glad you enjoyed and feel a kinship here. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Bro