ON PASSING

Touching and profound. I seen a couple punctuation blips but other then that you really brought this one close to my heart. It had me with a wee lump in my throat as it reminded me at the end of the day the family is the first part of your heart and in your last dying breath let a sigh out not so in a rant but in a chant. A new life begins.

Impressed Stan

Magics
xoxo

The part cousins, friends or brothers. It is just one comma. While I am here again how about this line

even on the darkest day

maybe even on your darkest day - to go with the other yours in the poem. Just a tsuggest here. I see you have improved in your skilsl and shortened up some of your classics. I always have enjoyed your poem stories and this one shows just how well you have been doing here without me:) Less words, same effect. Good work

You are a good person Stan. Never change

Love and Blessings

Mona

As I expect of you young man:) Yes I tend to put my work up too soon and then later and then much later still go in and take out what is not necessary and add what I think is. It is a trial and error thing. I look at some of my first poems and they stink. Plain and simple. Stink. So I have been going back and seeing the difference from when I first started to write and it is to me a big difference. Long way to go but enjoying it along the way.

I do not claim to be a star poet but I can tell you this. If you love to write and really have a passion for it, it is well worth the time you spend in learning it. Not just poetry but other writes as well. I miss reading about Morgana and her journalist endeavor. It is an interesting field of work. Writing is limitless and the more you learn and practice helps you and your readers to appreciate what you have written.

I think you did a great job on this one Stan honestly. I wouldn't tell you if I did not feel it. That is just me. I tell it like I feel it or see it written as I do with SPAG. It is just one of my sticklers to learn more copyediting and proofreading also.

If I could give you a six I would but since I can not check those stars off I shall send them to you this way. ****** and ** more for good measure.

Run to bed now, it is late

Regards
Mona M

This is a very deep poem with very intellectual and creative power by my genius teacher (Stan).
Regards
Ayaz

I do not like this poem. Until you live it you can't write it. You wrote so-so gratuitous sentimental prose put to rhyme.

Dylan Thomas wrote (in rhyme) this poem, living through the death of his father. See if you can see what the difference is between poetry and sentimental prose that manipulates a few words around to cloak it in the semblance of poetry.

Tell us in your poem, what do YOU KNOW of death. That is what belongs in your poem.

Do not go gentle into that good night ~ Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

A

I think its fair to say that this touched us all, and with a great moral too, "never give up".Another great write, thanks for sharing it.

Perchance there is no great beyond
remain with those who you hold fond
let your last breath be a fighter's pant
and your rattle a final rant

I was dead for around a minute and a half last August. I don't remember any light at the end of the tunnel. The problem is I don't remember anything because of the damned drugs the gave me after reviving me.

This is an emotional read for me, and I find myself choking back tears, A fine and touching write. I have no suggestions, just appreciation.

always, Cat

understand clearly.
very good
SCRIBBLE

Keep your vision fierce and bright
remaining on pedestal's height
...........................................too soon the time of rest arrives
........................................................................................no matter how hard one strives

YOU, I SEE Sir are one of the finest poets i know .

ANy objections please do not raise here.

I like this quite a lot. The emotion is there, the tearing of the heart, and anger at contronting the end.

You'll find that many modernist poets believe that making a poem such as this one rhyme somehow detracts from the serious nature of the subject and its emotional content. Many believe that rhyme is "old fashioned" and somehow "dilutes" the depth of meaning and feeling, making the piece seem childish and cliched, and detracting from the "true" emotions one is supposed to feel.

I say garbage, write poetry the way your are comfortable writing it.

I like the rhyme, it works pretty well, but I would like to see the lines of this piece all have the same syllabyl count, because it would give the poem much more impact. Iambic tetrameter might be a good choice here for cadence, where each line would have four sets of two syllabyls, and the second of each set is stressed. This would give the piece more power and focus, imo.

Good stuff, I look forward to watching this develop.

you aren't one to let anyone go gently into the night
not even yourself... as the poetic persona suggests.
My nan used to say, 'Age and dignity.'

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PISCEAN MAN
UR NOW FITYSEVEN
STAN

II MARCH 1954?????

good heavens
still so young