She dances ’neath the showers
at odd nocturnal hours
among the trees and bowers
where witch and black cat cowers.
They say she has strange powers,
like wizards in their towers.
This ghost, who glares and glowers:
her gaze can fade the flowers.
She stares at milk - it sours!
Like demon, she devours,
but in the daylight hours,
when sun dries up the showers,
This goddess, she empowers!
And we are glad she’s ours!
Mar 02, 2023
our goddess
About This Poem
Last Few Words: dedicated to my lovely Lorraine, a true goddess
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
our goddess
You were right first time: this is about a woman. However, it really does seem more to fit a cat! Thank you for that amazing insight.
Dear KB
I'm smiling and entranced by this it's a wonderful tribute to your Lorraine. My sister in law shares the same name.
but in the daylight hours,
when sun dries up the showers,
This goddess, she empowers!
And we are glad she’s ours!
These are my favourite lines, Bravo!!.
Kind regards Jayne
our goddess
Thank you, Jayne.
I love it....
only thing I would do, is to add an [a] in the line: "Like [a] demon, she devours"
Other than that, it's good to go. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.
our goddess
Thank you, Geezer. Yeah, I agree with you about 'like demon,' I was just avoiding breaking the meter by including 'a'. Many thanks once more for your insightful feedback.
Awesome job
Totally loved it. It’s quite a breeze to read and really coherent in its movements. Impeccable rhyming!
Tim