Geezer
Geezer
May 19, 2017

Our Father's Keeper...

Please come out now
the danger is past
We have made certain
that this is the last

Your refuge is safe
no more poachers to flee
You'll continue to thrive
protected and free

We have taken such care
to make sure that it's so
We'll keep you secure
though still free to go

We recognize,
you still have your needs
We are your keepers
feel free to breed

We know independence
is worth the good fight
We will never forget that
It's your basic right

So come out now, please humans
Don't fear us, we ask
You're safe now, we promise
Your future's our task

About This Poem

Last Few Words: After watching a program about A.I. future. Made some changes that I hope will make this flow a bit better and no clanging. I made one last change in the last line. I felt that the use of safe and safety so close together, made the last line a little unwieldy and changed it to read future [which I think says a little more.]

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

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More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

I guess I must be reading it slightly differently to how you meant it (I believe I understand what I think you said, but I'm not sure you realise that what I heard is not what you meant [grins]) because I took it as a satire on sacrificing liberty for safety.
The title is clever. We create the AIs, we are their fathers. Ever seen that show "Person of Interest"? Really smart look at the benefits and dangers of AI. Another good fictional perspective is in Iain M. Banks 'Culture' SF books.

A bit problematical to me-
no more poachers you see [that 'you see' for the sake of rhyme clangs]

A good, economical and amusing write,
thanks mate.

Geezer

Geezer

7 years 11 months ago

not as sacrificing freedom/liberty, but as a forced issue. Much like the way we have treated the vanishing species that we have put in that situation, by our wanton and rampant disregard for their environment. Of course, the A.I culture has not done this to us, but we ourselves have made it so. They have taken charge of humanity and like we have done with species on the edge of extinction, manage our survival. I'm glad that you like it and will work on that line to make "clang" less. I have already written an edit, but did not view that line as problematic, so I will refrain from posting the edit until I have worked out the issue with that line. ~ Gee.
.

Geezer

indeed, this is what Neo. is all about! I posted, you critiqued, I revised and came away with a better poem. Thank you. ~ Gee.
.

lovedly

Gee ...first AI poem from you I see..
jess did also agree
be happy
Let real AI poem first come
from 2017 to 2023
there has been none

Or am I off the grid.... Geez

Geezer

I can do another one, only not just yet. I have some other ideas that I want to revisit first. Thanks for the read and comment though. ~ Geez.
.

Ruby Lord

I read your poem as a cautionary tale and to some extent as a word of warning and the reliance on AI. This verse I thought was sinister:

We recognize,
you still have your needs
We are your keepers
feel free to breed

The use of mobile phones is a stark indicator for me of how consumers are "kettled" and "coralled" by sales media into buying what we don't need and I will be watching what AI is used for very carefully over the coming years and how we will become reliant on it as they develop marketing strategies.

Probably because of science fiction films and books, I read and watch, I don't believe we are not free, but are subject to marketing, media, society and businesses. Your poem is a warning for the future. Ruby :)

Geezer

I appreciate your read and comments. I do believe that this very scenario could happen if there is a natural disaster of some sort. Yeah, Sci-fi is a big part of my history, and I have been reading it since I first obtained my library card in 1960. That summer was one of the best summer's reading ever! I took my books everywhere I went and read all the greats. Heinlein, Asimov, Sturgeon etc.
I have been aware of the marketing strategies for many years and hate the number of commercials we have to tolerate every day. Thanks again, for the read and comments and I hope to see more of your work soon, ~ Geezer.
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William Lynn

Howdy Geezer.
First, I enjoyed the poem and second AI scares the crap out of me.

AI is about the only thing excluded by George Orwell in his 1984 novel, and apparently he never could envision AI as we are starting to know it.

Thanks for sharing the poem and giving me something else to worry about (with a dash of hope). - Will

Geezer

you enjoyed the poem; it is one of my favorites. I think it shows what might happen if A.I. does get out of control, and begins to think that we could, should and will be better controlled by their obvious better intellect. Of course, they will have the advantage over us, because by then, we will have given them access to all our major requirements for an independent life.
Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch

I feel threatened by AI. And resentful. I am one of those people who feels the need for control over myself and to be responsible for my own actions...Yes, I know, a real pain in the @ss!

Your poem is masterful...It scared the $h!t out of me!!!

Geezer

I see it in our future. Well, not in our immediate future. By the time it becomes reality, I think that [we] will be gone. I am scared for the race as a whole; I believe that the human side of us will be subjugated and relegated to a joining of the flesh and [human] side, with the mechanical aspect of it. Will we become cyborgs? Will the AI become our ultimate masters? ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch

sort of like The Terminator series of flicks. I know I will not be here to see it, thank goddess!