Show And Tell: Intensive Critique Workshop

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Leaders: BlueDemon77and weirdelf

Moderators: weirdelf, beauregard

Description: Each participant will submit one poem they feel needs work, one they are having trouble perfecting, or feel is under-appreciated. One other participant will be assigned to give it a vigorous critique at every level. Some of the areas or topics of the critique would include
- form, rhyme, assonance, consonance, meter, poetic technique (metaphor, alliteration, ect.) and how effective it is to the readers understanding of the work. Ultimately the critic should quantify the poem, including how well it works and how it relates to the content
- content, what the content is, whether it is significant, meaningful, true. What is revealed by exposition and in -subtext. Do you agree with it the writers opinion as you see it? Why?
- style, is the poem well crafted?, is there a strong lexis? Interesting and creative use of language?
- imagery, what imagery is used, what kinds, how effective is it?
-emotional content, what are the feelings evoked? Are they "universal'? Are they genuine or masked by sentiment?
- epiphany, does the poem change you? Have a significant impact on your way of seeing the world? If not does it matter? What does it give you?
- redemption, does the poem offer an insight into the human condition? The betterment of the species? Political understanding? Does it need to?

Subjective impressions are encouraged. You’ll give the poem a thorough working over.

Then other participants will critique the critique itself.

Finally the original poet has a right of reply and can submit a revised version.

Objectives: To hone our skills in critique to enhance our undertanding of poetry and be better able to give fellow poets menaingful feedback to help improve their craft.

Please remember to tick “Show And Tell- Intensive critique” in the workshop box on the poem submission page and include “(Shark Pool Show and Tell)” after the title of your poem.

We’ll open with a discussion of critique.

This will be challenging for both those critiquing and those being critiqued. Complete honesty is the best approach. This is a unique opportunity to have group attention and focused critique to a piece or pieces of your choosing (we can always begin anew if the group is interested in doing so). This workshop can help our critical abilities as well as our ability as poets. Leave the kid gloves at home though, this is Shark Pool. While we will have a policy of 'across the board' respect, the key to the success of the workshop is honesty in the critiques.

Please join us!

Ron and Jess

Level of expertise: Open to all

This workshop is closed.

Our Daughter Returns from "no return"

"For they that carried us away captive required of us a song and they that wasted

us required of us mirth,saying sing us one of the songs of Zion"
Psalm 137:3 (KJV)

We kiss the sole of history
and sing an ode to the cast-iron "no return""conduit
as we bethink junctures of old -

The hand of despotism decreed;
lives were to be crushed,here in the dungeon
Our own betrayed us with a Judas kiss
and handed us over to the canines of the masters

Footsteps faded into silence
Across,faces were muted with tears
Vocal chords could not strike a note
We were held as bats

It so seemed our cry was in the rain
Elmina was never a home
Beyond the waters
laid an unknown land
we were to call home

Today,
the ocean has summoned us
Our welcoming feet dot the her shore
We are here to sing an unending chorus of akwaaba
to that daughter we once had

She returns from "no return" today
to our yawning arms
Akwaaba

NOTES
Akwaaba-- a twi word for welcome
No return--- an inscription on the last gate at Elimina Castle where slaves passed to the waiting ships
Elimina-- a town in Central region of Ghana. It is also the home of one of the castles.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Kumasi

Favorite Poets: Kwesi Brew EMILY Dickenson DAVID Diop DIOP Brago

Comments

Kwabena

I notice that Akwaaba is a family of people in Africa, though you say it is the word for welcome, here is confusion.
That we tore your people apart in the old slave days I am sorry..
There is a way ahead for all, where forgiveness can be dealt out after all these years of oppression your people had to endure.
Now to the future, if only those that could would use the western worlds present where many have money and education, in that they could all get together as a people and make sure that their children and their children can face an Africa free of the present days greed and bad management.
I fear that the Chinese are flooding into your real homelands and taking over the economy.
We must learn from history that to let this happen is no good, just look at Israel a small determined race of people that don't take shit from anyone and have built a strong nation, Yours ian.T

"Akwaaba" IS welcome in twi,

"Akwaaba" IS welcome in twi, a language spoken by many Ghanaians who don't belong to the Akan ethnic group.