Open House Madness
Welcome!
Come, step into my dream
I’m sure you will find
Things are as not as they seem
Your host is in the kitchen
He has become the main course
The places that are dined on
Are his pleasures source
What’s going on over there
How many people
Can fit in one chair
Arms, legs assorted body parts
Hard to tell
Where one ends
And one should start
Baby kisses
Chills from neck to spine
Linger, linger
Please, take your time
You say
It’s ok dear
Just go along
Ardor and emotion
Out of sync with time
When I awaken
What will I find
Comments
touches
of poe and carrol
very confusing - almost an alzheimers feel
perhaps you could finish with a line such as
'it is all very wierd'
interesting write chrys
love judy
xxxx
I like this
It flows very well, and appeals to my sense of the anarchic!
2nd stanza, last line, should "pleasures" be "pleasure's"?
Jim
Judy is right
It is a little confusing, i think you are describing an orgy. Maybe you could change the last stanza, it could with just a little tweak, you could say 'passion and longing, there's no crime ,' or ' ardour and emotions out of sync with time.' I feel a good basis for a poem, just needs a little tweak.
Love Lou
China
Very sweet verse China
"Baby kisses
Chills from neck to spine
Linger, linger
Please, take your time"
I liked this very much.
Thanks for sharing
Regards
Ayaz
Very Sweet China
This is very sweet, China. So simple and so lovely. I loved its idea and concept.
Thanks for sharing this piece, friend
Regards
Ayaz
good edit chrys
finishes it off well
love judy
xxxx