scribbler

Oct 06, 2012

ONE MORE AUTUMN

I await the coming frosts of fall
having tired of summer's heat.
I long to hear coyote's call
and the crunch of running cloven feet.

Let me see the woods ablaze,
trees colored with the shades of fire
as leaves announce their final days
and greens fade as their times expire.

I yearn to hear trumpeting fowl
flying south in shifting vees,
the evening call of a barred owl
drifting on a slight cool breeze.

I want to smell a wood stove's smoke
hear chainsaws cutting cords of wood
while listening to the hunters joke
at old camps where their fathers stood.

Just let me sit where nature dwells
where acorns patter from the trees
next to where a small creek swells
from rains delivered on chill breeze.

Allow me to just once more walk
through these places I love best
before My hunter ends his stalk
and stills wild heart within in my chest.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: ya'll miss me? lol

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

Stan

I think that this is one of your most touching poems.
It portrays the Autumn of our years and the sadness
that we may not be able to walk those hidden places again.
Do you not see that you have been out there in your thoughts.
Did you not feel the cold as Winter touched the trees.
Do you not still walk the paths hunt the deer and wander so
I shall walk with you as I did with this write, the only thing.
The lines like:-" My ears long for trumpeting fowl."
Can you not hear them, they fly with your thoughts.
It is as my Mystic creatures they exist
because I thought them so.
We have the ability, because we not only saw the real thing, but we can now make them ours, in our own world, and then tell others what they can see in Poetry.
Have a lovely journey young Stan, Yours Ian.T

Hi Ian

I have been writing this one in my head since mid summer and finally got it on paper. Always glad to have others share my walks..............stan

Heya Stan

I have made a copy of your poem( I hope you dont mind) there are a couple of places I think could do with editing
I will return tomorrow night with my suggestions .... I loved the story I could hear that sound when feet meet the snow and it crunches underfoot

I will seeya same bat time same bat channel

smile JC xx

-----------------

im back here are my suggestions

I await the coming frosts of fall
having tired of summer's heat
I long to hear coyote's call
and crunch of running cloven feet - my mind keeps wanting to say "and the crunch of running cloven feet"

Let me see the woods ablaze
each tree a different shade of fire - " with each tree a flickering shade of fire"
as leaves announce their final days
and greens fade as their times expire - "and greens fade as their time expires"

My ears ache for trumpeting fowl
flying south in shifting vees
the evening call of a barred owl
drifting on a slight cool breeze

I want to smell a wood stove's smoke
hear chainsaws cutting cords of wood
and listen to the hunters joke - "listening to the hunters joke ?"
at old camps where their fathers stood

Just let me sit where nature dwells
where acorns patter from the trees
next to where a small creek swells
from rains delivered on chill breeze

Allow me to just once more walk
through these places I love best
before My hunter ends his stalk
and wild heart stills in my old chest

just a few ideas loved the last two stanza's :)

hugz xxx

Hi Jayne

All ideas are welcome and some even get used lol. Thanks for visiting...............stan

hello

I thank you for taking time for these ideas which I'll smoke over for a bit. How is school going?..........stan

your voice beckons me now to my backyard in Canada

your voice beckons me now
to my backyard, in Canada

lovely Autumn
you inspire
another one for me..

Hello loved

We'd all do better if we spent more time outside. Glad I pried you away from your computer lol.............stan

YEAH you did and see what i managed

to compose one
have you recommended any of my silly ones for wasting money in

publicationing ??

any volunteers in USA ???
HAHAHAAHA
NOT MUCH OF A POET EH!
THEY WILL ALL SAY
and you will have to say neigh....
neopoets may

hi loved

yes I read your autumn poem and think it a great tribute to the season. Still going over your others trying to pick out which are best but it's quite a volume to peruse lol..........stan

take your time Stan

I ain't in no hurry
as you know ,
many more autumns we together have to sow...
and that many dawns too maybe
you will see
many more than me

now i shall go
but I won't yet say adieu
since i want to hear
again and again from you...

Welcome back Stan!

Another nice stroll into the woods and a sad yet a bit of reality lies in the last stanza. Hope it is not a last autumn or WE shall certainly miss a lot of those seasonal strolls of yours.

A piece that I wish to write. Nothing to suggest really but perhaps a look into the third stanza for a more tidy meter(imo) and that "f" that unintentionally dropped after the last stanza, Is it one of the Fall leaves ..LOL

Much enjoyed.