Old age
A time of life
When we complete our goals
Feeling wanted and full of love
Mature
Oct 25, 2023
Old Age (cinquain)
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Old age
A time of life
When we complete our goals
Feeling wanted and full of love
Mature
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, "Old Age," is a cinquain, a five-line poem that typically follows a specific syllable or stress pattern. The poem adheres to the form's structure, which is commendable.
However, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery and sensory details. The current language is abstract and broad, which can make it harder for readers to connect with the poem on a personal level. For instance, instead of "A time of life," the poet could consider using a specific image or metaphor that encapsulates old age.
Additionally, the poem might benefit from exploring more complex emotions. While the sentiment of feeling "wanted and full of love" is positive, old age can also be a time of reflection, loss, or change. Incorporating a wider range of emotions could add depth to the poem.
Lastly, the word "mature" in the final line seems to be a simple statement of fact rather than a conclusion or summarizing thought. The poet might consider revising this line to provide a more impactful ending.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
How good it feels...
to be right where you want to be, when you are. As per usual, a good job and nicely done. ~ Geez.
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